Category: abstinence

November 2, 2011

abstinence

Abstinence wins out: What part parents can play in their child’s purity before marriage.

by Carlotta Morrow — Categories: abstinence, Sexuality, Special Topics — Tags: , , , , , — 4 Comments

My 26 year old daughter recently celebrated her two month anniversary of marriage and I remembered something very valuable that I could share with my blog readers: my daughter waited until marriage before having sex! That is her picture that I’m sharing with everyone along with the story of how she was able to preserve herself until marriage – from her mother’s point of view.  One day when she has the time, I’m sure we will hear from her about her journey from sex-free singleness to marriage.

Yes, I’ve had something to do with it but my daughter and her siblings really had everything going against them.  They are products of a divorce, a mother who went on welfare for a time and who never remarried with no consistent father image in the home and with two older brothers who were nothing close to being father images but could be considered very menacing to their sister’s prospective boyfriends.  Poor to most of their lives and just having the bare minimum to get by with in life but survived with great help from their grandparents, other relatives and the grace of God.  So how did my daughter manage to make it to marriage as a virgin?

As a parent, have you ever taught your child something and they took that information and ran with it? For example, I taught my children the basics of computers.  They took that information and ran with it doing things with the computer that I can only imagine!

Well, the same with my children and their spirituality.  I introduced my children to Jesus Christ. I shared how they can become saved and on their own they made a commitment to Christ.  My children took that information and ran with it! They developed a faith in God far surpassing anything I could imagine and with their own resolve they were determined to remain obedient to Christ until marriage. One so far has succeeded!

My daughter confirmed a study that was recently done by the CDC, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (pdf file) that said the primary reason for anyone abstaining from sex was for religious or moral reasons (see page 18 on link and graph on page 33).  It was her own faith and moral convictions combined with her own choice of spiritual counselors and a future mate who shared her convictions that led her to decide to wait.

But how do we get a child to that point? What is a parent’s responsibility in their children living morally upright lives? I want to share a few things that I’ve done that was a jump-start for my children. There’s no guarantee but a promise by God if we:

“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

I have two girls and three sons.  All five of them know Christ and yes, they all have quite differing lives and levels of faith in Christ.  But they ALL know HIM!  I wasn’t a mother who had a daily regiment of bible studies, regular church or prayers. Heck, I don’t even like praying aloud so my children have never even heard me pray before! They just know I PRAY and believe God hears me!  Our lives were very chaotic being a single-parent family.  But teaching them about Christ and how to become saved, applying biblical principles into everyday life situations, and then finding a strong bible-believing-teaching church that the kids liked was the key.

So here are my tips in raising a child that will take their faith and run with it! (Borrowed from my post No Condoms No Pills! Part 2)

  1. As a parent and leader of your children, you yourself must have a strong spiritual foundation and that foundation must be in Jesus Christ:

    For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:11

    As a parent, we must first be an example to our children. It starts with us being born-again and then being guided strongly by the word of God, the Bible. (Please check the link on my blog where Pastor Miles McPherson has an excellent page and video on becoming a Christian -  Know God) If our children see that we aren’t following God, then why should they? Children are going to do what we do and not as we say!

  2. Lead your children to Christ! The children need Christ in their lives to have the power and conviction to live a life after God.
     

    “. . . ‘You must be born again.’” John 3:7

    Every parent’s primary goal should be that of leading their child to Christ. It is our responsibility to share the gospel, but if the child should reject God, at least a parent can stand before God and say, “I tried.”

  3. Find a strong bible teaching church that has a very vibrant youth department where your children will be comfortable in.

    “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, . . .” Hebrews 10:25

    With the myriad of great churches here in San Diego to choose from, I asked around and the church I attend now is the one church that I heard people talk about the most for the youth. Sure enough, my children enjoy it immensely and love their youth pastors. These pastors have come to our aid when the children needed strong counseling. (And incidentally, I enjoy this church too!)

  4. Make a “NO SEX” rule like you make other rules in the home. Whether your kids believe in Christ or not, you make this the rule in your home.
     

    Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.  1 Corinthians 6:18

    I told my children that sex is for marriage, and if any of them break that rule and I find out about it, then they will suffer consequences. I told them I better not see any condoms or pills as those are things they want to save for their marriage if they need to use them.  Yes, many parents give up teaching abstinence because in their minds it is IMPOSSIBLE to abstain from sex. It isn’t if we don’t give up the hope in teaching them!

  5. Teach them “what says the Lord!” They must know that it’s God’s rule first above yours. And that a sign of their love for God is by their obedience.
     

    “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” John 14:15

  6. Seek “Purity” conferences – I don’t remember the name of the one I sent my children to here in San Diego, but it was a one day, all day event. The parents drop the kids off and they along with other children hear Christian leaders and they get to join in pretty fun events. This one day event I took my children to seemed to have the greatest impact on them regarding sex.
     

    “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3

  7. And if your child should have sex, do share with them God’s forgiveness of their sin as well as your forgiveness of them.

    “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

    Do let them know that they still have to experience the consequences of their disobedience to you since that is a house rule. Their consequence of breaking God’s rule, He’ll handle His way with your child. But show them love and acceptance as God shows us love and acceptance when we have sinned and ask forgiveness of Him. (I’d settle any day for a parents consequence than God’s!)

    If a child is not a virgin, teaching them abstinence is still a worthwhile goal. Just as Christ who came to the aid of an adulteress who was being condemned by people and said to her:

    “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” see John 8:1-12 for whole story.

Raising children in our society is tough enough but now it’s getting even tougher on raising godly children.  Our society is growing daily in tremendous animosity towards the bible and God’s biblical commandments for His creation.  It’s to the point where many are even trying to disguise themselves as “Christian” while encouraging ungodly lifestyles.  The clue to these false Christians is that God’s word is rarely found in their lives or coming from their mouths.  They preach and teach their from their own wisdom while looking down upon God’s wisdom found in the bible.

So parents, just gird yourselves up and teach your children the way of our Lord and not the world’s!  You won’t produce perfect children, but faithful children you will have!

“For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” 1 John 2:16

See my entire series on ‘No Condoms No Pills: Parts 1, 2 and 3.

This post was updated and title changed on 11/4/2011 – was titled “Abstinence = No sex tapes, no babies, no STDs, no welfare!”

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Resources (This list will continue to grow as more resources are added)

Wired for Love -  6 part series by Pastor Miles McPherson on dating

Take the Purity Pledge! – Pastor Miles McPherson

Sexual Immorality and your Sanctification by John MacArthur

Abstinence Works – Jim Burns and Homeward Center for Youth and Family

January 25, 2010

Pregnancy Pact: What works best – abstinence or contraception?

by Carlotta Morrow — Categories: abstinence, Birth Control, Condoms, Contraceptives, Sex Education — Tags: , , , , , , , — 13 Comments

*SPOILERS ALERT!*

I stopped watching the Lifetime channel movies long ago.  But every now and then a new movie would catch my eye and draw my curiosity and the movie Pregnancy Pact did just that.  It was a fictional movie based loosely on the teen pregnancy drama of Gloucester, Massachusetts that happened in 2008, where several teen girls became pregnant at the same time.

I wasn’t quite sure what to expect but as I sat through the movie, I became angrier and angrier.  Of course the movie had to have a conservative Christian mom and of course that mom had to be the mother of one of the expectant teen girls.  And of course she had to be the one who pushed for no contraceptives on school premises and had to be the one to jump on the contraceptive bandwagon at the end of the movie.

The movie was pitiful as you see the girls gleefully decide to have babies at the same time so that their children can be lifelong friends as many of them were, knowing one another since they were so little.  They fantasized how their babies’ fathers would be with them, and how they would take care of them and etc.  But in the latter part of the movie, many of the girls found out that their fantasizing was just that as life proved to be much more difficult than imagined.

The problem wasn’t so much the availability of contraception as most of the girls WANTED babies.  What contributes to a young girl’s mind to want to have a child out of wedlock and before she can marry and provide for it? In the movie there were glimpses of possible reasons.  There was a magazine cover of Jaime Lynn Spears and her baby, Brittany spears teen sister who had a baby.  There were parents who weren’t home to monitor their children’s whereabouts or parents who believed there children wouldn’t do anything when left alone in the house with their boyfriend as the conservative mother believed of her “saintly” daughter.

The movie was good in showing the consequences of such irresponsible behavior. One girl’s baby was born prematurely, while others boyfriends had completely forsaken them. Other’s saw that there wasn’t the availability of on campus childcare.  It showed that it wasn’t as glamorous being a teen mom as they had fantasized.

Many questions arose from watching this movie like the following:

  • Does abstinence teaching in public schools have any positive affects?
  • Should girls who are expecting babies stay in the same schools throughout their pregnancy? Images of big bellies walking through school hallways or girls with babies pushing strollers made you wonder if other girls yearned for the same.
  • Should there be daycare centers on the school ground? How many girls secretly longed for cute little babies like they saw in the daycare?
  • Would birth control clinics have provided a means of birth prevention among the teens?
  • Should abstinence AND contraception be taught together?
  • What can the parent do to keep their child from glamorizing having a baby?

According to the workbook provided by Lifetime, 73% of parents believe both abstinence and contraception should be taught together.  I agree to a point and that explaining contraception should be a part of the overall sex talk a parent would have with their child.  But to have contraception available is where it I would draw the line.  Having contraception available does send the message that it’s okay to have sex.   I grew up being taught to wait until marriage but was told that birth control would be provided if I needed them.  Well, I took that as a go and did ask my parents for birth control pills.  I didn’t think otherwise as I didn’t have an upbringing which taught that having sex was biblically wrong to do.

In the movie, although contraceptives weren’t made available abstinence teachings were allowed.  As a Christian, I see a problem with teaching abstinence without teaching WHY one should abstain.  Without the why, biblical admonition – and without the how – through a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ – abstinence teachings become near impossible! It’s hard enough to the committed Christian letting alone teaching it without a strong spiritual foundation.

For the Christian family teaching sex is a definite no as it goes against biblical principals.  Any sex outside of marriage is condemned (see Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3, and Colossians 3:5). So what should the Christian family do?

  1. State your values and stick to them!  – The bible is clear that there should be no sex before marriage.  Don’t compromise God’s values to match the world’s values.
  2. Communicate EARLY with your children.  Do age specific conversations with your children about sex and your expectations of them regarding it.
  3. DO NOT send mixed signals such as saying no to sex but yes to contraceptives.  No means no!
  4. Get your children involved with youth groups at church (get referrals for good groups).
  5. Be active in your children’s schools and know what is being taught as far as sex and birth control are concerned.
  6. And be proactive in supervision. Never assume your child is strong enough to handle tempting situations!

These are just a few of the known tips I followed myself in raising my five children.  Not all of my children abstained before marriage but that didn’t change my values.  Two of my children as young adults in their early twenties, are still virgins.  They have already proven wrong the theory that “all teens will have sex” as they both have chosen not to.

Times are modern and sexual views have changed over the years, but God and his Word never changes! Recognize God’s values, be an example to your children and live by them and then teach with the expectation that your children can make it!

15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17

Updated 1/27/10

June 23, 2008

Parental Detoxification

by Anitra — Categories: abstinence, Dating — Tags: , , , — 12 Comments

Parental Detoxification: A period of life experience that acts as a treatment to the physical and psychological dependence on parents. (Webster’s definition modified by me.)

I left for college with a girl I called my best friend. We went to high school together, and then moved across the country together to attend a black college. She and I still go to the same small school , but it has been two years since we’ve spoken face to face. She made it clear that we could no longer be friends. Being around me, she confessed, made her feel too bad. We used to be so much alike; we had so much in common. But today, she and I live in totally different worlds. I believe we detoxed differently.

This woman, and others, I once called friends seethe with anger and bitterness at the mention of my name. After careful analysis, prayer, and hate letters that made it hard for me to misunderstand, the reasons for this disdain is clear: I escaped. I escaped a life prescribed for me by my culture. I ditched the standard of behavior for young women seeking attention from men. I avoided the sacrifices many girls my age make and opted instead for…Jesus.

I’ll tell this story and then I’ll end this blog. I feel it sums up the relationship I formed with Jesus, and the way He has used my Mother in my life.

After an emotionally supercharged freshman year, I returned to San Diego already tired of the men at my school. I could think of no one but my high school sweetheart, who never officially became my boyfriend, but was always there for me. He was a bad boy…and I loved it. If my Mom only knew the half of what I knew about him, surely she would have heavily sedated me and shipped me to boarding school in Alaska. Of this, I am sure.

Well, I remember one night that summer, we were at his house alone. We were making out. And, to spare you the uncomfortable details, if there was ever a night I was going to lose my virginity, this would have been the night. I had a decision to make, and I didn’t have a lot of time to make it. He and I were both so emotionally invested in one another – so much attraction. A lot of trust. But there was someone I trusted more and I didn’t even realize it until that moment. Utterly desperate for a way of escape, I silently prayed “Lord, help me! I don’t know what to d-” That’s as far as I got with that prayer. At that very moment, something happened that halted the mood instantaneously. My phone rang. And who could be calling me at such a late hour?

“Deary? Deary?” The familiar voice said. “Are you ok? Something told me to call you!”

“I’m on my way home, Mommy.” I nearly shouted.

I grabbed my belongings, and sprinted to my car. Fairly flustered but purity in tact, that night I was very much aware that Jesus had in fact heard me…

That was four years ago. Two years ago, after more detoxification and drama, I gave my life entirely to Christ. What set me apart from so many lost young adults? Looking back, after my Parental Detoxification, there was something that was left refined: the knowledge that Christ was real and He wanted a relationship with me. Somewhere buried deep inside me was sold on the fact that He was Lord and could be counted on to rescue me. At a moment where most girls my age sacrifice themselves in a vain attempt to feel loved, there was an internal force, although not fully cultivated, that was nonetheless persuaded that I was already loved.

So…this is where I am today! Still a virgin, totally persuaded that Jesus is Lord, and utterly addicted to His Word (The Bible). I don’t mind putting my business out there, because I want the testimony shared. It does not make me feel good to know that I am despised because of my salvation; I passionately desire for my “friends” to come into the knowledge of the truth and to be saved! But what I stumbled upon that day was no accident. It was placed there. It was sown.

I imagine my mother out in a garden, not having much of a green thumb, holding five seeds in her hand carefully. She loves her seeds so much, and even in her youth, she is determined to find a way to sow them. She knows the only way to see them successfully born is to plant them. So she searches for the most special soil she can find. Finally finding a field promising eternal life, I see my mom kneel and plant the seeds, one by one. She plants the first one…she’s nervous, hoping she did it right. She plants the second one, not sure if she gave it too much water. The third one, she’s got the hang of it. The third and fourth are planted a little more quickly. I see my mom stand back and admire her work, knowing she invested all of herself just to make sure her seeds were settled. She pulls up a chair…and for thirty years she watches these seeds without budging…

Well, Mom, your seeds blossomed! No, the road was not easy. The storms, floods, and droughts along the way threatened to ruin your garden on so many occasions. But you did a fantastic job and the soil of Jesus Christ was enough to give us life, in abundance. I thank you for that, I am eternally grateful to you for that. All five of us are (well, ok. Give the baby a chance, he’s just started detoxing!) So as we blog together, as I say, let’s put our business out there! It will help so many understand the family and what Christ has in store for us. What to do, what not to do. But most of all that by dedicating your life to Christ, there is a protective covering that can not be defeated.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge him
And He shall direct your paths”
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

Leave questions in the comments for more discussion. But most of all, let’s be ready with open hearts to receive, analyze, and improve this wonderful relationship between parents and their children that God has created for us to enjoy. I can honestly say…my Mom is one of my very best friends. It just took a lot of Parental Detoxification in order for me to be able fly out the nest and worship Christ on my own.

Much love,

Anitra

June 16, 2008

No Condoms, No Pills! (Part 3)

by Carlotta Morrow — Categories: abstinence, Family, Sex Education, Sexuality — Tags: , , , , , , , — 8 Comments

Who’s Minding the Home?

Probably one of the most controversial issues in raising the children is whether or not to be a stay-at-home mom or career mother. Whether or not a couple can juggle their careers so that one is home with the children or whether one should hire a nanny.

After all the bible studying, character checking, training and disciplining, what happens to the children if we’re not even home? How do we know how to discipline them if we’re not there to witness their actions? How does that all important bonding occur if we’re keeping them 12 hours a day at day care centers or hiring other people to come to our homes and care for them?

These questions are very important when one is considering their role as wife and mother. Even single women should be asking these questions because there are a wave of single women nearing the end of their child-bearing years that is considering children out of wedlock just so that they can experience motherhood. Of course my easy answer to that one is DON’T even consider bringing a child into this world voluntarily without the aid of a full-time father! To me that is simply selfish and inconsiderate of a woman to do. Children need both role models in the home. (Single-parenting I’ll touch on later.)

Women, Be Busy at Home – First, let’s see what the scriptures say about children and the home:

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:3-5

Oh my goodness. I don’t know about you all, but when I was first married (no Christian pre-marital counseling at all), I did so with the expectation that I would be a career woman, and then don’t “NOBODY tell me I had to obey my husband!” I asked the pastor who married us to leave that word out in our simple generic marriage vows. He honored that request. (Can’t imagine Pastor Miles doing such a thing!) And anyone who knew me wondered why the turbulence throughout my marriage?

The verses in Titus were immediately wrong in my eyes. I did all kinds of studies to prove it incorrect. But in doing so, then NONE of the bible would have been very admirable to me at that point. Later as the word of God convicted me and the Holy Spirit illuminated my understanding, it all began to make sense to me. I actually tried letting my husband have the final words as difficult as that was, but to be busy at home? After my first child called our babysitter “mama” I quickly latched on to that verse to KEEP me home! I didn’t go through the pains of natural childbirth just to have my child call someone else mama! So, stay-at-home I became.

Back to the scriptures. Titus says for the wives to be self-controlled, pure and busy at home. We know that must not mean ALWAYS because the model of a productive woman as the one in Proverbs 31 shows that she is minding her businesses. Here’s the whole section in Proverbs:

God’s Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31:10-31)

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Now even as busy as this woman was, please note in verse 27,

“She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

This woman is still in charge of her household. Not her husband but her! The men are the primary providers of the family while the woman’s primary job is the household! Again, our priorities must be centered upon God’s expectations of us for our families.

Now do I believe that it’s possible for women with young children to be that busy as the woman in Proverbs 31? Oh no, not hardly! Verse 28 in this chapter gives me a clue to how old her children are. What newborns can say their moms are “blessed?” They are too busy saying “feed me! change me! burp me! cuddle me!” to say anything else. What about the toddlers? They are too busy saying “Mine Mine Mine” to recognize their mother’s worth. And the teens? If they don’t tell us “I hate you” at some time in their teen years then we must be doing something wrong.

I have four adult children in their twenty’s. And it wasn’t until they grew older until that they could begin to say very, very kind things of me. Some of you are more fortunate and the kids do heap praise upon you before they leave home. It helps to have a husband there showing a great example and praising you. It may take the kids from single-parent homes a little longer because they have to hear negative things from the other parent, sometimes confusing them on what is good or bad. But when they become adults and leave home, then they get a chance to see things for themselves and give praise to whomever deserves it. That’s why I’m convinced this woman in Proverbs 31 is a much older woman. Little children just don’t rise up and proudly call their mommies “blessed.” So Dads, please don’t expect your wife to be running multiple businesses while nursing little ones and changing their many diapers! Women with babies and small toddlers have nothing else time wise but to tend to their needs! And she’s lucky if she gets any “mommy time!”

God’s curse on husbands and wives – Remember the ‘curse’ put upon us in Genesis? Where the men have to work all the days of their lives and we women have pain in childbirth?

16 To the woman He said:
“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:
“ Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.

18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.

19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.” Genesis 3:16-19

Work is the “men’s curse” and not ours. Why are there so many of us trying to participate in both curses? Having children AND working all the days of our lives while having to be under a man’s rule? Now mind you, the children are the blessing part – its the pain in HAVING them that’s the curse! I’ve cursed my husband during each pregnancy, but as soon as the baby came out I wanted another one! I loved the little babies! Early childhood was such joy to me, the happiest time in my life! But I hated being pregnant and the actual childbirth! That’s why there can’t be two mommies or two daddies as a family model because God has specific curses and blessings for each one!

So here it is, biblical examples of the models God wants us to have in our homes. The husband as the head and ruler of his family (godly ruler) and the wife as the primary caretaker of her home. For the family to be well balanced, we must recognize our roles. Does it mean we never hold jobs outside our homes? Of course not. As long as the jobs don’t interfere with our primary responsibility in minding the house. Does it mean the fellas never help with housework? Doesn’t mean that either. If a man is loving his wife as Christ loves the church, then he will be sensitive and compassionate to her needs, as she with his.

Now back to the future. Here we are in the new Millennium with the high cost of housing (if you live in Southern California), gas, food is spiraling out of control and it is just plain ridiculous to make it on one paycheck. Isn’t it foolish to have the wife stay at home when she’s needed to work?

That is the question most asked of us today. Let’s consider the cost of a comfortable lifestyle to the cost of children getting out of control.

When I first became a single parent, I went to the meetings that the police departments would hold here in South East San Diego, (almost the equivalent to South Central Los Angeles in terms of dangerous areas to live), and one of the statistics that stuck out the most to me was the time that most juvenile crime occurred: between the hours of 3pm – 6pm. The hours right after school, and right before parents usually came home from work. These stats were years ago, and looking at those stats today, they are now saying between 2pm and 6pm here. From this same website, it even reports that over one million teens are left unsupervised after school, blaming it on the lack of after school programs. Moms and dads, are we to leave that responsibility to the government sponsored or private schools?

I consider myself a witness that those stats were true. Because in the neighborhood I lived, I can remember the number of times I called police because of fights that were forming at the bus stops after school, and the number of times I met my children at school to walk them home and seeing the gangs gathering. I even ran in the middle of a “bloods” initiating ritual while they were beating someone up after picking up my child from school (six police cars were quickly behind us)! I remember taking home not only my child, but his friends who parents were working and not able to pick them up on such short notice.

I remember my neighbor’s daughter having her boyfriend come over while her parents were away at work. You can imagine my guilt when the daughter came up pregnant later and I could have told them what I was witnessing. I didn’t want to be known as the “nosy neighbor’ back then and kept my mouth shut.

This was all happening while the parents were away. I lived with my parents in a very nice middle-class neighborhood. The gang members being arrested were not only from poor families, but families who had working moms and sometimes dads too! They just weren’t home after school was out.

If we must have more than one parent working, we just have to remember that one minds the house while the other minds the work. It can be done. As a single-parent, I’m expected to work and not depend upon the government. Strangely, the same folks who say that of the single parent also say that it takes two incomes to make it. If the single-parent can make it, why not a husband and wife with one staying at home?

It can be done. Too many single-parents working and making it are a testimony to the possibility to living off of one income – for the sake of the children and minding the home! If single-parents are expected to work, then what kind of help do they have in minding their children? Is the answer by having the children in school eight hours of day then an additional three hours of after school programs? The children aren’t learning their godly mother’s values, but the public schools values. These same schools that are equipping them with same-sex education, contraceptives, and even abortions. That’s who we are giving are children over to without help. In order to make it, single-parents need much support and help to watch their children while they work and make a living.

All the biblical teachings we can give our children and all the admonitions about no condoms, no pills, no sex, no drugs, no porn and the like are meaningless if we aren’t home to give them training, monitoring and direction!

It’s time to make some sacrifices and it must be in our fancy lifestyles and not our children’s lives! Women, we must ask God to return the love of our homes back to our hearts and get out of the”‘money-making” mode. Fathers who are being spoiled by their wives money making abilities, we must ask God to shape their hearts and minds to peacefully and economically find a way for their wives to be home minding to the children as they work for the primary provision of the family.

It can be done even in this day and time of great economic oppression.

Anyone DON’T think so?

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