With Valentine’s day being celebrated around the world on February 14, what better topic to blog about then “dating.” Do people still do that? With quick sex in the mix many people are just skipping dating altogether! There’s a million different ways that folks say “going out” but for simplicity, I’ll just stick to what we are all familiar with – “date!”
What is becoming disturbing in our day and times is the inability to tell the difference between Christians who date and non-Christians. Like how many Christians actually are waiting until marriage before having sex? How many young men and women are saving themselves for their future husbands or wives?
As a parent who teaches her children about dating and sex, I’m horrified to find out how many Christian parents have actually given up the thought of teaching their children to wait before marriage. “Well, they’re going to have sex anyways, you might as well give them their condoms and birth-control now!” If we believe in a possibility of our children engaging in sex, should we be leading them to the fire?
What should single people be holding on to as true followers of Christ before they begin to date? I’ve thought of a few things that as a single woman myself now (divorcee) and here are a few guidelines I follow and teach my children to do as well:
“Do Not be unequally yoked.”
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:1
Rule number one is a must: do not spend anytime with anyone who isn’t a Christian! If there is an attraction and a desire to get to know this person in a more intimate way, you must FIRST make sure you both are on the same page! Teens, if you’re dating someone because he/she is “cute” – same thing! Make sure the “hot mama or papa” loves Jesus! What does being on the same page mean? What does loving Jesus mean? Many call themselves Christians so you still have to be on guard. What do you look for in another Christian? A few things the person must profess:
- Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior
- The bible as God’s error-free word to mankind
- The solid belief that sex is for marriage only.
A quick test for me was to ask a man what he thought about sex outside of marriage and that would tell me immediately where this “Christian” would be spiritually. There would be no dating until I’m able to ask “the question!”
Is the “fruit of the Spirit” evident in this person?
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” -Galatians 5:22-23
There could be a few things to let you know right away that this person is indeed not following after Christ. A persistent foul mouth, disrespectful actions towards people, drug or alcohol abuser. Just a few of what can be obvious tell-tale signs that you need to run from that person as fast as you can!
The book of Galatians gives a good listing of what “heathen” traits are like that you want to avoid in a person of interest:
“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” – Galatians 5:19-21
A willingness to obey the word of God.
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” – John 14:15.
You don’t have to be seeking Mr. or Miss perfect, but a good sign that someone is on the right track is having a heart to please our Lord. Someone who is willing to confess their wrong doings and then turn to doing what’s right. That’s godly character and a person after God’s own heart!
Most people would like to have a good Christian man or woman in their lives, but the question is also how many of us are good men and women ourselves? The same traits we look to find in others should be most importantly characteristic of our own lives!
There’s much much more to dating and sex and etc., but I thought I’d throw out a few things just to have folks thinking. As Christians we must be different than the world and that includes our “dating” or “courtship” activities as well!
So, heathen or Christian? Which are you?
And oh yes, do have a happy Valentine’s day!
Here are a few books I’d like to share that I have read on dating from a Christian perspective and they are quite good!
For the girls:
What to do until Love Finds You – Michelle McKinney Hammond
(all of her books on singleness are great!)
Boy meets Girl – say hello to courtship – Joshua Harris
I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris
Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World – Joshua Harris
I Don’t Want Your Sex for Now – Miles McPherson