April 19, 2009

Steve Harvey’s New Book: Act Like a Lady and Think Like a – Heathen?

Comedian Steve Harvey wrote a serious book on relationships titled: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. This book has taken this country by a storm and been lauded by Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, Good Morning America, on the New York Times Bestsellers list and on and on the accolades go.

But for Christians, this book is a major problem.  It’s full of advice being given by a man claiming to be a Christian. Advice that if Christian women (and men) follow, will find themselves compromising biblical principles.

I wasn’t too interested in this book until I started hearing Steve Harvey on some of the talk shows encouraging women to follow the 90 day rule. His rule is for women to not give up the *cookie* for 90 days but have the man wait until he is proven “worthy” of her feminine benefits.  I’ll explain this in more detail below.

Steve Harvey made statements throughout his book that left me wondering whether this man should be about the business of relationship counseling.  There’s nothing wrong with giving advice, but if you are going to wear the title “Christian,” then the advice needs to match what you claim to believe in.

The following statements were most problematic and what I found to be quite contrary to biblical standards.

  1. “Make him qualify for the benefits, and I guarantee you’ll have a better man on your hands – and in your bed.” Encouraging women to have the men wait at least 90 days before having sex with them.  The Ninety-day rule. (Chapter 11)
  2. “Hell is no longer an option for me. I’m doing what I can to get to the Gate.” pg 45
  3. “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date a man who doesn’t go to church, or who has a different belief system than you.” pg 140
  4. “…when it comes to having sex with a woman, we men don’t decide a thing. We don’t determine when we’re going to sleep with you – that decision is yours.” pg 153
  5. In his chapter on “Why Men Cheat,” Steve Harvey says to women that “the way to get out of that cheater’s circle is to … figure out your standards and requirements, explain them, and stick to them…” pg 106

#1 – The 90-day rule. The *cookie.* That’s Steve Harvey’s nice way of saying “a woman’s sex.” The benefits. That’s what the man gets once his ninety days are up.

Most Christians can see right off the bat what’s wrong with this picture. Sex in 90 days means sex before marriage.  Steve doesn’t encourage anyone to wait until marriage.  That’s a major problem for the professing Christian.

Sex outside of marriage is completely forbidden in the bible.  In fact, the warnings are so dire in the New Testament about the practice of illicit sex, that we are commanded not to have anything to do with Christians who practice it!  1 Corinthians 5 shows this clearly:

“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you …And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this?” (verses 1-2)

These Corinthian Christians sound a little like Steve Harvey and most American Christians today: proud, and not ashamed of their actions.  How many of our churches have pews filled with Christians who go home and “shack-up” or have sex with endless partners without one bit of shame and proud for doing so?

“I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people- not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.” (vs 9-11)

Paul isn’t talking about the unsaved here, but the saved! And how many churches are Christians practicing this discipline – the removal of those who practice immorality and all other kinds of sin?

“What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked man from among you.” (vs. 12 and 13)

One of the most misunderstood acts in the bible is the act of judging.  In Matthews 7:1-5 we are told not to judge hypocritically, but Paul makes it plain here that we are to JUDGE each other! Christians are to judge one another and not the unsaved.  Our job with the unsaved is to share the gospel so that they may become saved.

#2 – “I’m doing what I can to get to the Gate.”

I’m hoping he’s just joking here because as most Christians know, that if you are born again and trust in Christ for your salvation, you are guaranteed a place with our heavenly Father.  (Ephesians 4:30) No need to worry about whether you make it to the Gate or not!

From that statement it sounds like Steve Harvey is trying to work his way to everlasting life.  We are saved by God’s grace and not our own works! (Ephesians 2:8-9) And this is with having full repentance of one’s sins – a major component that’s often missing with many Christians.  The turning away from sin TO God.  There are many who believe that they can just keep on sinning because God forgives you, not quite.  When believers in Christ have truly repented, it will  show in their day to day lifestyles.

#3 – “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date a man who doesn’t go to church, or who has a different belief system than you.”

Steve is actually condoning unequally yoked dating here.  According to scripture, a Christian must date only Christians.  We aren’t worshipping the same God if you’re doing otherwise!

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

Christians need the equal yoke for praying together to the same God, reading from the same book for spiritual guidance, and if it leads to marriage, the equal yoking would provide the best stability for the husband, wife and child!

#4 - “…when it comes to having sex with a woman, we men don’t decide a thing. We don’t determine when we’re going to sleep with you – that decision is yours.”

As a woman, I become infuriated with any man who believes he has no responsibility to God or to others to maintain self-control.  Steve is basically saying here that if a woman says yes, then by all means have sex with her!

That type of thinking belongs to the heathen, the unsaved.  The heathen don’t listen to godly admonition and do things by the way of the world (Matthew 6:7, 18:17).  Men as well as women are to hold to the standards that God has given us in the bible. (Galatians 5:16-26)

#5 – “the way to get out of that cheater’s circle is to … figure out your standards and requirements, explain them, and stick to them…”

Again, Steve Harvey takes the responsibility of men cheating away from them and on to the women.  He does have a blurb within those pages about men who have a relationship with God will cause them to have a more stringent moral code (pg 103) but aside from that he makes no mention of adultery being a sin and how women should run as fast as they can if they meet a man with no such “moral code” – even if he calls himself a Christian!

Not one word in the 16 pages of this chapter explaining the real reason why men cheat – because they are disobeying God!

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ ” Matt 5:27

Simple as that.  Men cheat because of their own irresponsibility and lack of self-control.

Steve Harvey was trying his best to help women out by writing this self-help manual, but unfortunately this book turned out to be more self-serving than truly helpful.  Steve relied upon his own wisdom rather than God’s and instead of putting God first as he encouraged folks to do throughout his book, God’s will is actually left as an afterthought.

Some have claimed that Steve Harvey only wrote this book to make money.  I don’t really agree with that because he’s quite successful in his own right and as a radio talk show host he communicates with people everyday.  From his experiences in talking with women and giving advice, he’s turned the verbal into a book.  I truly believe it’s his heart’s desire to see what he understands is best for women but unfortunately he’s left God in the dust while ignoring the best guidebook for all relationships – the Bible!

© 2009 – 2012, Carlotta Morrow. All rights reserved.

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37 Comments »

  1. Latanya says:

    IM SO TIRED OF PPL DISMISSING EVERY SECULAR THING JUST BECAUSE ITS NOT CHRISTIAN. IF YOU ARE CHRISTIAN YOU CAN STILL BENEFIT FROM THIS BOOK. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS YOUR COOKIE WILL STAY WRAPPED UP UNTIL YOUR WEDDING NIGHT AND YOU WILL WANT TO DATE ANOTHER CHRISTIAN. BUT THE RULES OF DATING AND UNDERSTANDING HOW A MAN’S MIND WORK IS STILL THE SAME. A CHRISTIAN MAN IS A MAN FIRST THEN A CHRISTIAN UNLESS HIS FIRST WORDS OUT THE WOMB WERE I WANNA BE SAVED. SO TAKE WHAT YOU NEED TO TAKE FROM THE BOOK AND DISCARD THE REST. AND KEEP IN MIND THAT NOT EVERYBODY HAS THE SAME BELIEFS AS YOU. THERE ARE SO MANY PPL JUST SHACKIN UP AND THAT AINT BIBLICAL EITHER. SO HE SPEAKS TO ALL SITUATIONS–TO THE SAVED AND UNSAVED. I FULLY UNDERSTAND THAT S.H. LIKE ALOT OF “CHURCH FOLK” HAVE A SURFACE RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST. THEY GO TO CHURCH, PRAY, GO TO THE CLUB, DRINK, SMOKE, AND CUSS TO HIGH HEAVEN AT HOME AND DON’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH HOW ANY OF THE ABOVE COLLIDE. AS A CHRISTIAN WOMAN I ENJOYED THE BOOK AND HAD THE WISDOM TO LEAVE SOME CHAPTERS RIGHT THERE ON THE PAGE AND NOT ADOPT THEM AS PRINCIPLE IN MY LIFE. BUT WHEN GOD SENDS ME MY MATE CERTAIN THINGS I WILL REMEMBER. TELLING HIM HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE HIM, LETTING HIM SPOIL ME, SETTING STANDARDS AND REQUIREMENTS ETC. PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE GOD SENDS YOU YOUR MAN OR WOMAN EVERYTHING WILL BE PERFECT. THATS LAUGHABLE. YOU WILL STILL HAVE TO WORK AT IT. YOU ALL WILL HAVE DISAGREEMENTS, FIGHTS, MISUNDERSTANDINGS, JEALOUSIES, ETC. AND JUST LIKE WHEN YOU GOT SAVED EVERYTHING DIDNT TURN ALL PEACHY KEEN. EVEN NOW YOU HAVE SAVED FOLKS WHO MISS THE MARK. THATS WHY PAUL SAID TO “WORK OUT YOUR SALVATION”. SO READ THE BOOK IF YOU WANT AND STOP THINKIN YOU SO “HOLY” THAT NO ONE CANT GIVE YOU ANY ADVICE OR SHOW YOU A DIFFERENT WAY TO LOOK AT SOMETHING. IM SURE YOU ALL LISTEN TO FINANCIAL CONSULTANTS, DOCTORS, HAIR DRESSERS FOR ADVICE AND THEY AINT NOWHERE SAVED BUT SOMEHOW YOU STILL LISTEN. IM ALSO A NATURAL AND I WOULD BE A FOOL TO NOT LISTEN TO A WOMAN WITH LOOOONG RELAXED HAIR TELL ME HOW SHE ACHIEVED IT SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE’S RELAXED AND IM NOT NATURAL. ITS THE SAME CONCEPT.

  2. sunshine7 says:

    In all fairness, I do have to add that after reading Steve Harvey’s book, I did find parts that were of value. These parts were how men think. We as women need to know that. We need to know how men view us and how they are wired. I think he did a pretty good job of sharing that with us. However, the shrugging off of the responsibility of the man in a courship situation is a cop out. Also, there are responsiblities that the woman has. Our older women are to teach the younger women. Women need to know that men are extremely visual. They are visually wired. God made them that way. This is why so much emphasis is put upon what women wear and how revealing it should or should not be. Women on the other hand are emotional and that’s how we’re wired. Men are also agressive by nature. Women are tender by nature. Both men and women have to fight against their nature at times. In particular, they must fight against going overboard with their nature. The men must fight the overuse of their visual, agressiveness. The women must fight the overuse of their emotional, tenderness. God also wired normal men, to love a challenge. If a man doesn’t feel challenged, he won’t appreciate the thing that was easily acquired. This includes women. If a man can easily get a woman, he will not appreciate her. On the other hand, if a man has to go through much to get a woman, then chances are he will appreciate her more. This is just the truth. Therefore, women must learn that being hard to get is essential in having a man that appreciates them more. A man enjoys, very much, the challenge, or the “fight”, so to speak, to get you. If he isn’t challenged, he cannot see (because he is not wired that way) the point in pursuing you any further because he figures you’re not worth much (because he didn’t have to do much to get you). Like it or not,this is the way it is. I didn’t make this up. It has been this way since Adam was created. Even if doing the courting the Amish way seems extreme, at least make it so that winning your heart is a challenge to him. And oh yes,no matter what they tell you, a man wants a submissive woman, not a rebellious one. Be a lady and he will love you like one, if he’s a decent, normal, human being.

  3. sunshine7 says:

    The sad truth is that waiting until marriage for sex is so rare that you might find it amongst, maybe the Amish, or in middle eastern countries, perhaps amongst some orthodox Jews, but rarely, rarely in churches that we associate with. That is just the truth. Now, it is an awful shame. Whatever happened to chaperones during courtship, and not allowing a couple to be alone for any length of time? We have been brainwashed by our tv sets, and the public school system, to think that dating and having boyfriends and girlfriends are okay and normal. Please get G.Craig Lewis’ series on “The Truth about Dating”. Also, do a study on how Orthodox Jews and some other conservative cultures, including, but not limited to the Amish and Mennonites, handle these sort of issues. Churches, in general have not been meeting the mark. Parents and grandparents have not been meeting the mark. We have to do something to stop this promiscuity. We shouldn’t even allow our kids to spend the night over other children’s houses, even our own relatives’ houses, because sometimes, this is where sexual exposure takes place. Oh yeah, Satan is extremely cunning. We must watch our children as much as possible and we ourselves are not to be in close corners and by ourselves with the opposite sex. Men are supposed to get permission from the parents of the woman he wishes to court. Then, they should in turn follow up with his parents to see what type of person he is and what kind of family he comes from, before they make a decision. They are never to be left alone, not even for a second. As far fetched as this may sound to many, it is absolutely necessary. Now, as far as Steve Harvey goes, his 90 day stipulation is indeed a travesty. I read the book and found it very repulsive. Putting a time limit on something so sacred is repugnant, to say the least. Marriage first, is not only possible, it is God’s choice. Let us go back to the old landmark. We may not be able to help what has already happened to us because of the ignorance of our parents and foreparents. However, we can help out the future generation if we start now. We must start somewhere. Homeschooling, without interruption, is absoultely one of the best resources I’ve seen as far as helping children to keep away from pre-marital sex. I’m not saying it’s the perfect answer, but if done with the proper support, and without extended family trying to turn the children away from good upbringing, it can be oh so successful. (you may have to pull an Abraham, and move far away from extended family members who are nibby–plan it but don’t tell your plans and do it before you have children or before the family has a chance to take you to court to demand visitation, if you don’t want their influence to be upon your children–I know what I’m talking about, believe me when I tell you) I’ll say it again, the 90 day rule is ridiculous. That is a trick of the enemy, so watch it ladies!

  4. Tracy says:

    I see the criticism of this book is coming from a woman’s point of view which although is well meaning is idealistic and not entirely based in reality.

    I am a woman and a Christian myself and I do believe that what Steve Harvey wrote in his book is REAL advice for what people are REALLY going through.

    That being said most people do not wait until marriage to have sex including the preachers that preach it, the reason people aren’t expelled from church for having premarital sex is there just plain wouldn’t be anyone left to attend and we need the tithe to keep coming in for whatever the latest project is.

    I have never met or known a man and only one woman that was willing/able to wait until marriage and that’s the God honest truth.

    I agree about the unequally yoked not making any sense but in all honesty some of the worse men actually hail from inside the church walls not from the outside.

    I know we should all want to live Godly lives but when I see Christian marriages statistically breaking down at rates faster than heathen ones I’ve got to wonder what the heck is going on. We have Preachers sleeping with women in the congregation and displaying other ungodly behavior and I’m supposed to be on my ps and qs and for what end?

    If only waiting until marriage actually guaranteed that a marriage would take place.

    Lust is an issue for a lot of us and it ain’t going anywhere because it’s our God given inclination to desire someone sexually whether we are married or not. Believe me I wish that things were way more simple but they just aren’t.

    • Carlotta Morrow
      Twitter: christocentric
      says:

      Tracy, sadly your comments many people would tend to agree with. Where I disagree with you is the reason for much ungodliness within the church is not the failure of the sinful condition of man, but the failure of the church to exercise accountability and discipline. Too many pastors are running their churches without the accountability of those who would remove them from the pulpit for moral lapses, and too many churches aren’t removing members who practice sinful lifestyles. We are commanded to judge believers – not the unbelievers! The apostle Paul addressed the need for discipline to the Corinthian believers which shows a great model as to how we also should address sin in the church – even if it means there would be no one left!

      “1 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife! 2 And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you. 3 For I indeed, as absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged (as though I were present) him who has so done this deed. 4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, along with my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, 5 deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.” 1 Corinthians 5:1-5

      But believe it or not, there are a few who do choose to follow Christ’s commandments. Just think how many would be willing to follow after our Lord if this type of accountability was practiced in ALL churches!

  5. Pamela says:

    What a horror to know that this mess is still a best-seller. My hope is that the book is preaching to the choir, that is, those that have already decided to compromise will cheer this book on. I hate to mention this but the Bible can say whatever it wants about sexual behavior of unmarried people. Most Christians are going to do what they want to.

    My sincere hope is that those that read the book that have moral standards will not be influenced by this book to change. In actuality they do not need this book to compromise their standards. If people are desperate enough for a relationship they will do anything for it, especially women who in many cases feel that something is wrong with them because ‘no man wants them’. Sad to say the church is really good at communicating that message to women.

    Sidebar: I decided to read my original comments I posted in April. In fact I noticed that the day I posted my reply was the day that Bernard and I decided to start dating. I am glad to report that he passed (and well exceeded) the initial screening I posted in April:) That relationship will continue in holy matrimony starting Friday evening December 18. 2009. It may take people longer to find someone where they do not have to compromise their standards. It has been well worth the wait. You will have less relationship baggage by obeying God’s word. Bernard is really glad that I did not compromise and vice versa.

    • Carlotta
      Twitter: christocentric
      says:

      Amen Pamela! So glad to know that Bernard PASSED! :) The respect you have for one another is just increased and solidifies your relationship even moreso when you know that you both have placed God first! Your marriage will be even more meaningful because of that!

      I’m very happy for you both and congrats on the upcoming marriage!!!

  6. HiScrivener says:

    Carlotta, break that down sister!

    Him writing a book is good. Writing a book to the throng of young women out there who offer sex as a ticket to love is even better.

    However, doing under the guise of Christianity? Not so much. Bible-believing folk wouldn’t be so flippant with such things. They would fight the status quo and say what needs to be said… not what people who will pay $19.95 for a book want to be said.

    Do they happen? Yes. Should we accept it and counsel around it without the direction of scripture? No.

    Nicely done, girl.

    P.S. What the h-e-double hockey sticks does Ellen care about man/woman advice anyway? Just saying.

    • Carlotta
      Twitter: christocentric
      says:

      Lol! Love your response HIScrivener!

      But what you’ve said is so true and how sad that Steve’s book is a bestseller, still #1 on Black bestseller hardcover lists! People aren’t getting it and the message Steve is sending is dangerously leading people astray – while claiming to be a Christian.

      I’m glad you get it! :)

  7. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Yes Larry, you aren’t alone in your thoughts about Steve Harvey. His third marriage and a popular book and he’s made a relationship expert on Good Morning America?

    Man’s standard of riches don’t hold to God’s standard of righteousness!

    Thank you for your wise comments!

  8. Larry Gott says:

    Carlotta, you are absolutely right about Steve Harvey. I see him being praised and appreciated on Good Morning America, and I said to my wife, I don’t see what everybody sees in him — my spirit just doesn’t resonate with the things he says.
    Thanks for posting your review and concerns.
    God bless you!

  9. liz says:

    steve harvey’s comments about michael vick’s dog fighting ring will keep me from supporting him in any way whatsoever. his comments were evil. period.

  10. Lisa C. says:

    Hi Ms. Carlotta: I was so impressed with this blog I printed it for future reference. Like many of those who responded, it was the fact that he calls himself Christian that I found so frustrating. In a time when being a Christian is considered a crime in parts of the world, I’m afraid if Steve Harvey were accused, the charges would be dropped due to “lack of evidence!”

  11. Great blog and full of truth. But the sad truth is that many Christians are involved in fornication and that includes people in ministry as well. Thanks for taking a stand for righteousness!

  12. Zi says:

    Interesting Form Carlotta,

    I commend you on your choice of blog, very cool. Being how strict biblical passages are and people love to toss them in your face. Even when they may be the Kings and Queens of sin… Lol! Of course Mr. Harvey’s past does not fit the Christian “Poster” image. But, if you look at it? Who honestly does? It does seems he is trying to be more of a spiritual being; thus having him gain a more up close and personal relationship with Jesus. So I’m going to pray in good faith that his heart behind this endeavor is truly good. Mr. Harvey get no negative judgment from ME.

    *YAHWEH*

  13. syinly says:

    Yes, I see your point on many of these issues, seems you have done your homework on relationships according to God maybe you should do a relationship book. Yes, Jacob did wait 7 years for Rachel. Then of course there is the story of Samson that shows us lust gone wrong.

    I agree I would like to see more advice for women coming from women. Even with TD Jakes and woman though art loose, I felt that ministry should have come from a women’s perspective and I would love to see women preach and teach stories dealing with women in the bible.

    As far as his comment about making it the gate. I can understand and relate. As Christians we have to continue to grow. So as we mature in the Lord our behavior will change and we will realize things that we once thought were acceptable are not. I am not sure that is what he meant, but that is the context I take that statement in

  14. Mike says:

    Well, to be honest, that’s tough to answer right now.

    Has she professed to believe in him? YES
    Has she always been a Christian in my eyes? YES

    Have the two affairs in the last year messed with my head in regard to those first two questions? YES

    So, in essence I am saying that I don’t know her heart like God does. Maybe with time she will re-affirm her love for Christ, and then I can know for sure, but right now I am on the fence as to the answer to that question.

    Thanks for saying I am doing the right thing – there is no doubt in my mind about that one. I still appreciate hearing it though!

  15. Mike says:

    Carlotta,

    Thanks for the kind words.

    About the blog: I appreciate your saying so. It’s been a work of love thus far. I will say though, that it has not appeared to affect her heart all that much. I think much of that has to do with the fact that her heart is hard to the Lord right now, as well as the fact that she knows what’s in the book – and therefore it contains no surprises for her.

    That will not stop me from completing it though, nor continuing to do the things I have learned once the 40 days are up. This is a lifelong change, not a project. :) I think that once she realizes this is not temporary is when it might hit home.

    Time will tell.

    Thanks again! I will be a regular reader of your blog. I can’t say as though I have met many spiritually strong women, and I find this very exciting. It makes me proud to call you my Sister in Christ.

    Mike

  16. Mike says:

    Really good to see that there are some women out there that still have morals, values, and consider God’s word unwavering.

    Too often people have a sense of moral relativity, or even the idea that something doesn’t apply to them because of their special circumstances.

    I am so happy to know that there are quality women still out there.

  17. Bev says:

    Yes, great post Carlotta. I saw Steve Harvey both times on Oprah. After the first time, my sister bought the book (and it went to #1 on the New York Time’ Best Seller’s list). Thanks Carlotta! You have validated my concerns about the book. Even though the book is available through my sister, I will not be reading it.

    As to Steve Harvey’s Christianity. Isn’t he a baby Christian spouting advice? I can remember some of the things I said in that state of my Christianity. Other than Salvation scriptures, I was spiritually/biblically ignorant. Fortunately, I was not a celebrity who had wrote a book at that time.

    Now some of us stay babies in a carnal state, while others grow in the Lord. I use to hear a lot from preachers on carnality, but not much anymore. Mr. Harvey is milk fed and not on the solid food yet in spiritual/biblical terms as in I Corinthians 3:1-2. If he grows in the Lord, that book will become an embarrassment to him.

  18. Christina McDaniel says:

    I don’t know how, but I must of clicked one of your links on facebook and got to this page. I’m glad I did :)

    I think it’s awful this man takes on a christian title and writes those things. One thing I would also like to point out. We are not to deprive each other. And when a woman takes her “cookie acts” as a way to control her husband…that is very sinful. We are to understand our husbands needs, and if that is doing it every month, every week, or even everyday, we should respect that. There is nothing wrong satisfying our husbands in this way. Sexual freedom should be a must in any loving christian marriage.

    Christina

  19. Pamela says:

    I generally do not read relationship books where men give women advice because inevitably they will say it is all the women’s fault. The so-called Christian books are the worse for this IMHO.

    It is pretty simple to me:

    Does the fellow require or suggest that you compromise your moral standards for him to be ‘interested in you’? If the answer is yes then he is interested only in your body and could care less about you. If no then proceed.

    Is the man a committed Christian, meaning is he willing to take responsibility for his life or does he expect others to do this for him? Again the church is notorious for putting the blame on women if a man is ‘weak’. If yes then proceed.

    Do the two of you have things in common? If yes then proceed.

    If these three things do not line up the rest is a total waste of time. I do not need Steve Harvey or anyone else to tell me what to do to keep a man interested. They need to find out what will keep me interested.

  20. jesusblogger says:

    Good post. Can’t believe people would buy into this who are supposed to know God and His Word.

  21. 8abetta says:

    I’m actually saddened by these statements. I have always wondered why simply believing there is a God makes one a Christian. Unfortunately many will read this and find themselves more lost than before. Too many women have substituted common sense for Oprah’s misguided, self-serving opinions. Kudos on dissecting this book!

  22. Amen to this post! This type of half-baked advice is no good to anyone and to call it Christian is simply grievous and dangerous.

  23. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Exactly ‘systah!

  24. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Babetta and jesusblogger, yes, it’s truly sad to see books like this written by professing followers of Christ. And yes, people like Oprah will latch on to the “universal” appeal and message of these types of books.

    Appreciate both of your comments!

  25. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Ditto Pamela!

    I’m sorry, but the second thing I ask a guy who’s considering “dating” me after he lets me know if he’s a Christian or not, is what he thinks of celibacy until marriage. And like you said, if he’s not interested in honoring me by honoring God and waiting for the sex until marriage, then there is no need to even keep up the conversation!

    It’s one thing to call yourself a Christian which anyone can do, but it’s quite another to love God so much that you want to obey him at any cost – even the cost of a “hot” date!

    “I do not need Steve Harvey or anyone else to tell me what to do to keep a man interested. They need to find out what will keep me interested.”

    Amen sister!

  26. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Christina, I’m so glad you “stumbled” upon my site! :)

    Steve is actually talking about holding the *cookie* for a period of time – during dating! That’s what really irked me into writing this article, the fact that he’s even talking about sex during a courtship!

    But he does touch on in his book how women use sex as a means of withholding from a man as punishment. But during a marriage you are so right that women are never to say no to their husbands (and husbands likewise to them). Many are not aware of that scripture (1 Corinthians 7:5), but it is true!

  27. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Bev, glad to be able to validate your concerns about this book! And I’m glad you won’t be reading it! I wouldn’t have bothered myself, but I was sprouting my opinions about this book and felt as a “critic” I had to bite the dust and read it. I wouldn’t wish this book on anyone else! It’s not ALL bad, but hey, neither is the playboy magazine! Okay?

    As far as Steve Harvey’s Christianity, it was very tell-tale when he said he’s trying to “get to the Gate.” That statement I hope wasn’t indicative of his relationship with God, but honestly, I’m not sure. Hopefully he is as you say and just a babe in Christ not knowing whateven to say!

    Hopefully this will all come out later.

    Thank you for your comments Bev!

  28. Pamela says:

    I have never had a non-Christian approach me. I assume at this point the non-Christian is not approaching me since it has never happened in all the decades I have lived. This is my point of reference of point 1. However I understand the need to communicate that the only people that Christians should ever consider for romantic relationships are other Christians. I thank God that I have never had the temptation to be with an unbeliever. I realize that has not be the experience of many.

    It is imperative that I deal with someone that respects my moral stances. There are Christians that are carnal. This is what the book of 1 Corinthians is about. They needed to be told not to sin as Christians. Unfortunately I have had non-Christians respect my moral stance more than carnal Christians have. Teachings about the importance of developing their relationship with the Lord and how to honor Him with our lives is not being taught much these days in most churches.

    To me the first two points can be viewed the same. If you are a committed Christian as you stated you will take responsibility for your actions and your life will show a distinction from those that live like the world. People need to understand that people that have Biblically accepted Christ can look like the world. HOWEVER a Christian should not be in that state of babyhood 10 years down the road.

    UNFORTUNATELY Christians at times allow the Lord into certain areas of their lives BUT in too many cases He is not even considered in the romantic part of their lives. Hence this dreadful book. I suspect that Steve is still a babe.

  29. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Mike we’re happy that there are men that appreciate those kind of women too! :)

    PS – took a look at your blog and it’s quite awesome! I’m sure you’ve made your wife pretty appreciative of you! (Added you to my blog resource list.)

  30. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Your wife is not saved? That does make things a bit tougher if that’s the case! But you’re doing the right thing Mike, loving her unto the Lord! You have much wisdom in knowing that it’s a life long work to love her by your actions as well as your heart!

    And thank you for YOUR kinds words and reminding us that there are truly godly men such as yourself!

  31. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    I have a favorite author for women whose books I read on relationships, Michelle McKinney Hammond. Have you heard of her? Her books are so great and she gives plenty of scripture and biblical stories within her books as well.

  32. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Thank you!

  33. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    Lisa, that was pretty funny what you wrote: “I’m afraid if Steve Harvey were accused, the charges would be dropped due to “lack of evidence!” Funny but possibly true! There just isn’t any real evidence of Steve Harvey being a practicing Christian.

    Glad that my blog can be of some help to you. Feel free to post any time on any subject because I surely appreciate your comments!

  34. Carlotta
    Twitter: christocentric
    says:

    What did he say Liz about Michael Vick’s dog fighting ring?

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