*SPOILERS ALERT!*
I stopped watching the Lifetime channel movies long ago. But every now and then a new movie would catch my eye and draw my curiosity and the movie Pregnancy Pact did just that. It was a fictional movie based loosely on the teen pregnancy drama of Gloucester, Massachusetts that happened in 2008, where several teen girls became pregnant at the same time.
I wasn’t quite sure what to expect but as I sat through the movie, I became angrier and angrier. Of course the movie had to have a conservative Christian mom and of course that mom had to be the mother of one of the expectant teen girls. And of course she had to be the one who pushed for no contraceptives on school premises and had to be the one to jump on the contraceptive bandwagon at the end of the movie.
The movie was pitiful as you see the girls gleefully decide to have babies at the same time so that their children can be lifelong friends as many of them were, knowing one another since they were so little. They fantasized how their babies’ fathers would be with them, and how they would take care of them and etc. But in the latter part of the movie, many of the girls found out that their fantasizing was just that as life proved to be much more difficult than imagined.
The problem wasn’t so much the availability of contraception as most of the girls WANTED babies. What contributes to a young girl’s mind to want to have a child out of wedlock and before she can marry and provide for it? In the movie there were glimpses of possible reasons. There was a magazine cover of Jaime Lynn Spears and her baby, Brittany spears teen sister who had a baby. There were parents who weren’t home to monitor their children’s whereabouts or parents who believed there children wouldn’t do anything when left alone in the house with their boyfriend as the conservative mother believed of her “saintly” daughter.
The movie was good in showing the consequences of such irresponsible behavior. One girl’s baby was born prematurely, while others boyfriends had completely forsaken them. Other’s saw that there wasn’t the availability of on campus childcare. It showed that it wasn’t as glamorous being a teen mom as they had fantasized.
Many questions arose from watching this movie like the following:
- Does abstinence teaching in public schools have any positive affects?
- Should girls who are expecting babies stay in the same schools throughout their pregnancy? Images of big bellies walking through school hallways or girls with babies pushing strollers made you wonder if other girls yearned for the same.
- Should there be daycare centers on the school ground? How many girls secretly longed for cute little babies like they saw in the daycare?
- Would birth control clinics have provided a means of birth prevention among the teens?
- Should abstinence AND contraception be taught together?
- What can the parent do to keep their child from glamorizing having a baby?
According to the workbook provided by Lifetime, 73% of parents believe both abstinence and contraception should be taught together. I agree to a point and that explaining contraception should be a part of the overall sex talk a parent would have with their child. But to have contraception available is where it I would draw the line. Having contraception available does send the message that it’s okay to have sex. I grew up being taught to wait until marriage but was told that birth control would be provided if I needed them. Well, I took that as a go and did ask my parents for birth control pills. I didn’t think otherwise as I didn’t have an upbringing which taught that having sex was biblically wrong to do.
In the movie, although contraceptives weren’t made available abstinence teachings were allowed. As a Christian, I see a problem with teaching abstinence without teaching WHY one should abstain. Without the why, biblical admonition – and without the how – through a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ – abstinence teachings become near impossible! It’s hard enough to the committed Christian letting alone teaching it without a strong spiritual foundation.
For the Christian family teaching sex is a definite no as it goes against biblical principals. Any sex outside of marriage is condemned (see Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3, and Colossians 3:5). So what should the Christian family do?
- State your values and stick to them! – The bible is clear that there should be no sex before marriage. Don’t compromise God’s values to match the world’s values.
- Communicate EARLY with your children. Do age specific conversations with your children about sex and your expectations of them regarding it.
- DO NOT send mixed signals such as saying no to sex but yes to contraceptives. No means no!
- Get your children involved with youth groups at church (get referrals for good groups).
- Be active in your children’s schools and know what is being taught as far as sex and birth control are concerned.
- And be proactive in supervision. Never assume your child is strong enough to handle tempting situations!
These are just a few of the known tips I followed myself in raising my five children. Not all of my children abstained before marriage but that didn’t change my values. Two of my children as young adults in their early twenties, are still virgins. They have already proven wrong the theory that “all teens will have sex” as they both have chosen not to.
Times are modern and sexual views have changed over the years, but God and his Word never changes! Recognize God’s values, be an example to your children and live by them and then teach with the expectation that your children can make it!
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17
Updated 1/27/10
© 2010 – 2011, Carlotta Morrow. All rights reserved.
I am a pastor. We teach abstinence. My girls are having sex anyway; my boy is successfully practicing abstinence at 19.
The girls’ ages are 21 and 22–both still single. This is their choice at this adult age, so I have to add advice in regard to contraceptives. Their not having sex at this stage is non-negotiable from their vantage.
I have no behind-the-scene control of adult girls, but I can always give advice. Oh, by the way, my previously abstinence speech to the 22 year old has ended in her now being pregnant.
Contraceptives may not work for the 21 year old, but adstinence definitely didn’t stick with the 22 year old.
Twitter: christocentric
says:
As a parent, we can only do our best Pastor. If our children choose to go a way contrary to God’s way, it’s on them once they reach their age of accountability. As parents, we must be sure we don’t change biblical teachings to match cultural norms. I refused to buy into the “well, everyone else is doing it” or “mom, you’re so old fashioned get up with the times!” As a result, even as of this posting, my two daughters , 23 and 25 are still virgins. I truly commend my eldest daughter because she is getting married next summer and so far, she is sticking to her guns, but her fiance is a believer also and they are both working towards a glorious wedding night!
Carlotta:
I love your realistic and sensible attitude towards this subject. You stuck to your guns and you should be happy about that, as I’m sure you are. It’s extremely difficult to raise Godly children in today’s society and often unrealistic to think that all will “always be well”. However, it’s also extremely necessary to stick to our guns so as to be as positive of an example as we can be.
As far as parents go, leaving children alone, because we think they are saintly, as was done on the movie, is terribly naive and even arrogant. I remember hearing about a pastor and his wife, going out of town to a convention of some sort, and leaving their children home. Because the older children were at home, which were about 17 or 18 years old, I guess they thought it would be okay. Well, one of the children, who was about the age of 12, lost her virginity, right under the nose of the two elder siblings. This pastor, his wife, and the two older siblings were entirely clueless. The 12 year old ended up missing her menstrual cycle by a couple of days or so. She was scared she was pregnant. It just so happened that she was not. To top it off, years later, the mother became pastor after the father died (I am getting to a point) and had the nerve to stand up in the pulpit and declare with certainty that all of her daughters were virgins. How embarrassingly sad for that pastor and mother that she, after all of those years, was clueless as to her daughters’ behavior. It turns out that none of them were virgins. How about that?
My point here is that we cannot leave our children alone. It doesn’t work. We can’t even leave them around certain people who “we” think are responsible. The endorphins which are released during even the fondling part of sexual activity are entirely too strong for us to imagine that our children can fight that sort of thing off. They will not be able to withstand that. They will cave into it, whether we believe it or not. This is why it is essential that we not allow our children to be alone with each other without a chaperone. Old fashioned or not, it works. Hope this helps. Blessings!
One thing that isn’t taught in schools about birth control that even if you use birth control, you can still get pregnant or get someone pregnant and/or get an STD.
Yes, I’ll keep you updated about my manuscript…so far the first young adult christian fiction book I read was tame, not even a cuss word, and the main character gave her heart to Jesus halfway through…the second book, however, has details about sex she has with an older man and I can’t believe the library filed this under Christian!
I think the childcare in the school is a bad idea. Most girls have a natural desire to have children one day. Having this childcare in the school and watching other girls become moms can be enticing to girls who lack focus and goals. Clearly, the daughter of the conservative mom lacked goals and only dreamed of having children with her boyfriend. The childcare helps make it look easy to have children.
Twitter: christocentric
says:
The school was probably thinking that having a childcare on campus would motivate the young mothers to finish school. But unknowingly they were creating a culture of where these girls were fantasizing in having babies!
I totally agree with you on that being a BAD idea!
I started the sex talk with my girls as early as 4. We have been able to have a very open discussion about sex since. They do not have any shame and i made sure i spoke to them with confidence that sex is not shameful, but is a beautiful expression of love in a marriage. Some may not agree with me, but i was very honest with them about sexuality and acknowledged the natural desire by all to have sex. So when this desire comes upon them, they will no it is normal and that certain safeguards must be present to help them be chaste.
Twitter: christocentric
says:
Tammy, you have everything going great for your family and I do see much success even beyond their teen years! They have a spirit-filled mom and dad, they are home-schooled and you communicate with them starting when they are very young, and with you being a stay-at-home mom they will have all the supervision they need! You see how Tim Tebow and his faithfulness is right now. I envision that with your family as well!
Any child’s success at remaining chaste begins with a strong support base from home and yours is a great example!
You ask some good questions. My daugher and I talked about teenage pregnancy this summer. I felt it was imporatnat to talk about it before she started high school. When I started high school I was not prepared to see all the pregnant teenagers. My parents had explained the bird and the bees to me, but they didn’t tell me each year I was in high school I would see more and more pregant girls.
It was diffcult for me to talk to my daugther about abstinence because I have been guilty of sexual immorality and I have been very public about. Not that I could hide it much being that, I have a child that was born out of wedlock. I think both abstinence and safe sex should be taught. I think abstinence with out the christian perspective is not as effect. I think it’s important for teenagers and people to understand that sex sex outside of marriage is not God’s will and when you go against his will there are consequenes. The consequences of sex outside of marriage are not just psychical.
Twitter: christocentric
says:
Yes, good insight Ly and I wouldn’t worry much about your past sexual immorality as long as you are a living example right now of being chaste. That will be of utmost importance as a single-parent, having your child see you as that very example you preach and teach about. I wasn’t always successful and did slip in moments of immorality, but that was very brief and in my honesty I did let them know that I wasn’t perfect and made mistakes but corrected those mistakes.
I taught about contraceptions but it wasn’t kept in the home. That’s the difference from what many parents are doing these days. They firmly believe that their teens are going to have sex anyways so get them contraceptives! That sends the wrong message entirely! We teach about drugs and alcohol, but we don’t have the attitude that “since they’re going to drink and get high, we might as well get it to them!” No, not at all should we do that for sex education as well! Teach but don’t encourage by having contraceptives available!
I was strict and told my children no sex and no contraceptives. And I told them having sex was like breaking any other rule in the house – not only physical consequences such as STD’s or pregnancies, but mom’s wrath and punishments to go along as well! That worked because as teens, there are no unplanned babies at all in my household!
You’re right…people seem to forget the moral reasons one should not have sex before marriage…in the book I’m writing, which is geared toward teenagers, I hope to address that issue…I’m curious about how much “sex talk” is allowed in a Christian fiction young adult book so I plan on reading some myself
Twitter: christocentric
says:
Sounds like you are addressing a very great need Eileen – fiction books that address young adult sex! But good question on how much “sex talk” should be allowed in Christian fiction and a question I can’t answer myself. There are some pretty good Christian non-fiction books about teenage sexual purity and perhaps any of those can provide the backdrop you need for your book.
But do keep me posted on your book’s progress!