How to cope with having a gay family member

lgbtFor the Christian, there has to be nothing more painful than knowing that a family member is struggling with or living defiantly in a lifestyle contrary to God’s moral laws. Whether it be drugs, addictions, sexual immorality of all kinds and various other offenses against God.  It’s extremely painful for all involved.

I recently received an email from a reader of my blog desperate for answers in how to cope with her daughter who is a lesbian.  This reader has done the best she could in raising a child up in a godly home. But circumstances beyond her control have led her daughter to choose the lesbian lifestyle.  What shall she do?

After watching my aunt deal with my lesbian cousin, I’ve learned a lot how one can successfully cope with an LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgendered) family member while not losing one’s heart, hope and mind in the process.

Here’s a list of a few things that I’ve witnessed from my aunt and others who are coping well:

  1. Pray!  Immediately put that family in your prayers and ask God for their deliverance.  Deliverance either through salvation or if they are a struggling Christian, pray for their strength to leave the gay lifestyle once and for all.   (See post on Can you be a Christian and a homosexual). Ask God also for the strength and wisdom to deal with the situation as God will turn your trial into triumph!  (Hebrews 11 entire chapter)
    Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice.
    Psalm 55:17 – NKJV
  2. Don’t tackle this alone! Seek godly counsel and I mean GOD-ly counsel, counsel from Christians that you know do who do not water down God’s word and are wise as well as loving people.  Find Christian friends who will stand with you in prayer and support!
    BLESSED is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;  But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.
    - Psalm 1:1-2 NKJV
  3. Let that family member know that you love them, but you stand with God’s word that says that homosexuality is a sin.  Give the scriptures so that they know it’s not of your personal opinion but as God says it is in both the Old and New Testaments. (Leviticus 18:22,  20:13;  1 Corinthians 6:9; Romans 1:26-27)
    For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.
    Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. – Rom 1:26-27
    NKJV
  4. And always have hope that your family member will change. While hoping for the best, accept them where they are in their lives. That old saying to hate the sin and love the sinner still holds very true!
    (Love) . . . bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1Corinthians 13:7 NKJV
  5. Don’t take it personally and carry guilt for something you  believe you didn’t do right.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent so even if you did feel you made a few mistakes along the way – ask God to forgive you and forgive yourself then let it go!  Guilt will do nothing more than eat at your very soul if you allow it.
    If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1John 1:9 NKJV
  6. If that person professes to be gay but doesn’t profess to be a Christian, then associate with them as you normally would. If it’s a child, don’t throw them out in the streets but love them and let them know that no homosexual activity will be allowed in your home and they won’t be allowed to be associated with gay friends outside of school activities (if this can be helped).
  7. Professing Christians have to be handled differently. As with any sin, a person who professes to know Christ but persists in sin has to be handled with very tough love. “
    “I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked man from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:9-13

    Persistent sin is serious among believers and if you know anyone who calls himself belonging to Christ and practices sin, then they must be disassociated (except for your dependent children). I would think twice about what I’m doing if family and friends chose not to have anything to do with me because of my practice of a particular sin.  This is different than a person knowingly struggling and is repentful and trying to change.

These are just a few suggestions and I know there are plenty others that many can share.  I know many non-believers and some professing Christians would criticize this article as ridiculous, believing that there shouldn’t be any issue in coping with a homosexual family member.  But if you truly love God’s word and hate sin as He does, then yes, coping with sinful lifestyles becomes something major in life to tackle!

Don’t lose hope people and all one has to do is to look at the many ex-homosexuals whose testimonies I have plastered all over my blog.  Some of you have been a little confused thinking that I am also an ex-gay. I’m not, but when many members of the LGBT community visited my blog during my activism for Prop 8 to ban gay marriages, I decided then to present information that it IS possible to change from being gay and that there is hope for friends and family members who want change for their loved ones.

Just remember, with Christ, ALL things are possible!

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” – Mark 9:23 NKJV

Updated 1/8/12

© 2011 – 2015, Carlotta Morrow. All rights reserved.

181 Comments

  1. Carlotta – First, you are correct I should not have used the words sane and arrogance and apologize. The hurt and destruction the action you espouse to take toward a loved one that may be or is lesbian or gay in our family has been deep. I remember a sermon not long ago in which the minister said “let God work his job description and us ours – which is to love”. I feel directed by the Holy Spirit to love, show mercy and grace and be there for anyone in need whether I agree with their life or not. I liken that to someone on the street corner asking for money for food and driving on and saying he will just spend ion drugs or drink.

    It is not my judgement to make on what he will spend it on but as a Christian to offer what I can and let God do his job. I feel the same on this subject of a loved one being lesbian. I spent the weekend with my granddaughter counseling her and yes, talking about God, and letting her know she is deeply loved.

    Yes, you can delete my post. Feel free. I pray for healing for all of those hurting that have posted on this site. For those taking the “cutting the person out of their life” perhaps they aren’t the only ones to learn God’s truth or lessons from these times.

    1. Dee, I truly appreciate and accept your response. I won’t delete your post primarily to keep it as an example of how not to respond to a posting and a reminder to those of us who will sometimes forget our manners (myself included).

    2. As a pastor with a lesbian daughter, I know how emotional this issue is and how each of us handle it the best way we can. What I am seeing here in those who post emotional responses is just that ….. emotional responses but very little or no Scripture. Our emotions will lead us astray. So will “matters of the heart” and how we respond to situations through our feelings. The heart is desperately wicked and who can know it? Only Jesus knows what is in our heart. Most often what is in our heart is diametrically opposed to Scripture. Why? Because the “heart” is located in our soulish realm ……. meaning the mind, will, and emotions. Christians are held to a higher standard. It is what is in a person’s spirit that will be manifested through the soulish realm and eventually through the flesh if not conformed to the Word. Look at passages about the mind such as Romans 12:1-2. We aren’t to be conformed to the world. We certainly shouldn’t be guided by our “heart” or our emotions. Emotions are fickle and too prone to change. The Word of God is steadfast and unchangeable. My wife and I know hard it is to address this issue through Scripture. Many in our family don’t understand and we are seen as the “harsh and legalistic ones”. It was our daughter who rejected us. She chose to abandon her family and chose a sinful lifestyle of lesbianism. She isn’t a victim. She has created victims. All homosexuals create victims through their choices. We need to quite seeing our homosexual loved ones as victims. That isn’t compassion. That is co-dependency and enabling of bad behaviors. Biblical mercy comes through Biblical repentance. Repentance means an acknowledgment of sin and a complete turn away from it. Don’t allow your “heart” to be manipulated through mere remorse. What I am seeing here is some folks being controlled and manipulated by their homosexual loved one. The acceptance of that bad behavior will never lead to healing and deliverance. The Bible does show us how to handle this situation. It is painful, yes. Too many families are unwilling to go there. Why? Because they trust their “heart” more than Jesus. This is a recipe for disaster, folks. We cannot presume upon God to bless our efforts when they run contrary to His Word. Remember the story of Naaman? Good intentions and “good heartedness” won’t cut it. It is possible to love someone in such a worldly fashion that we “love” them straight into hell.

      1. Tough but true words Sir = ) We all knew our life long spiritual training and learning how to use our armor was all for a huge purpose but I don’t think in a million years did we think it would be for this. It’s a low blow to say the least.

      2. Sir, I was faced with rejection by my first daughter when she knew I did not embrace her marriage with a woman (12 years now), but keep loving and praying for her. I remind myself how deeply she must have hurt to decide to reject me. You are right on — we cannot be co-dependent. She knows the Truth, raised with God’s Word engraved in her heart which is promised not to return void. I’ll never let her go….she belongs to God. I had to make sacrifices to raise her on my own, but have the peace of knowing she understood baptism by immersion, salvation and eternal life in Christ. God tells us the conscience can be seared.
        I have so many of my own faults, known only to God, but if a Christian confronted me with the necessity to repent of something, I would and I have. Godly sorrow worketh repentance.
        She seems happy in her life, but will not communicated, except when I was in the hospital.
        She was vulnerable, Praise God for His delivering power and our ability to love in the face of the sting of rejection by someone so beloved and cared for. For the parent rejected over homosexuality, Jesus reminds us enemies of the cross are usually from our own household.
        I believe she will come back to God – more important than my missing her.

    3. Dee, I appreciate you’re candor and humility, thank you! I am convinced that everything passes through God’s hands before it comes to us. So my daughter and her lifestyle is in my life for me to learn something for sure. My daughter knows I will never agree with her lifestyle. We have simply come to agree to disagree. My daughter chooses to not be that close to me, but it doesn’t seem to be a strong need or desire for her as of yet, I have accepted that but will never stop trying to show her love and fight for that mother daughter bond I want and did not have with my own mother. This is a tough road for all of us. But the one thing that keeps me going is God has got this and I am only responsible for my actions, words, and behaviors! Keep the prayers going!

  2. I have a sister who is bi-sexual. She was married to a man for a long time and had two awesome children. (Her husband died two years ago.) Her son is almost 13 and her daughter is 5 years old. She is in a relationship with a woman and I am heartsick over this. I feel nothing but contempt for the woman she is with. I loath her to be honest. I am mad and heart broke both. I want to scream and yell at my sister but what would that resolve? Nothing. I feel so helpless and I hate it.

    1. Heartbroken Sister, those of us who have LGBT family members do feel your pain! Our first reactions are usually just what you have expressed: disgust, anger, bewilderment and major heartbreak! Hopefully you have a chance to read over my blog post and especially the comments and responses from others who have also experienced what you are going through. But a question to you first as the answer will determine how you should go about dealing with your sister. Does she profess to be a Christian and if so does she attend church? Thanks for stopping by and sharing your pain with us!

      1. I did not say anything about my sister’s sin so back off with your rude comment. I was being honest with my feelings. I am trying to deal with how I feel and I don’t need you to be down on my case about something I trying to deal with it. I came here for help.

  3. Whenever I start feeling weak over this subject I go back to Matthew 10:21-22 and 10:33-36, both are pretty harsh but realistic to what we parents are all going through. If we think we are tough, our Father is tougher and in the end the Truth will set us all free. Bless all of you!!!

  4. I myself was afflicted with homosexuality. I have come to find God and I have kept away from any and all things that are homosexual, anything to do with it. God is delivering me and while I still have thoughts I dislike, I always pray to God to help me overcome and he does. More and more everyday I am becoming stronger. I used to believe that I was just born that way but now I realize that it isn’t true, just like any struggle in our life given to us by satan, we must overcome if we want to follow Christ. ; I have a gay brother and he’s atheist, even though he used to believe in God. I don’t know what to do about him and with him not believing in God in the first place, I don’t know how to go about it. He and his fiancee are getting married in November and I know I’m already invited. How do I go about it? I really don’t want to lose my brothership with him and if I do I will lose my relationship with every single member of my family, which I know is a huge price to pay and I know God will help me through it I just don’t know what to do. I know what it’s like to be afflicted with it and know it is a struggle. If anyone has advice for me it would be very helpful. I was saved about two months, give or take a few days, ago and I don’t know a lot about the bible but I do know that one can overcome anything through the blood of Christ.

    1. Hi Kerry and what a miracle you are! What you are facing as to whether you should attend your brother’s wedding is a tough one and I know what you are going through as my daughter and her girl friend are getting to that point as well and I am heavy- hearted about it.We can be happy someone we love is happy without being happy about the reason they are happy (I suppose) without compromising our beliefs but eventually the confrontation will come but doesn’t have to be as bad as we imagine as long as God’s love is the foundation of all we say and do. Right now is your time of growing and discovering, try not to let your brother’s personal choice dampen your joy. A lot can change from now until the event in question and that we are not in charge (Thank God!). In the mean time I rejoice in your new birth and wish you many blessings on the way!

    2. Kerry, first I commend you for your victory in overcoming homosexuality! Yes, you will still have your struggles with it but at least you are in a place where you have surrendered all to Christ and are allowing God to change you! Glad you recognize that you weren’t born that way, but it was just a part of your sin nature, a nature that we all have to deal with on a daily basis.

      Now about your brother’s marriage. If he’s marrying a woman, that marriage will still be honorable to God no matter if he’s gay or atheist or both as in his case and I personally would go. Now if he’s marrying a man, there’s no way I would in my consciousness towards God would want to go celebrate a union that makes mockery of what God has established for true marriage. I would take a stand and not go. You may feel very strongly in not going to his marriage for several reasons: does his wife-to-be know that he’s gay if his wife is a woman? Is he making mockery of his marriage to a woman by carrying on with an open marriage and maintaining sexual relationships with other men while married? A bunch of those factors would lead me to not attend a man/woman marriage as well. Anything that makes mockery of what is to be a sacred union between one man and one woman should be scorned. These are just a few scenarios of what I would be led by our Lord to do, but those decisions are ultimately between you and the Lord.

      Sorry for all the differing scenarios. You said your gay brother is marrying his fiancee so I wasn’t sure if you meant a man or a woman or transgender he’s marrying. I know if you don’t go to his wedding you would be hated by your family/friends and etc. But if you are doing so because of your consciousness towards God and by conviction of the Holy Spirit, your love for God will outweigh your love for your brother. Hopefully your brother knows you love him and there are other ways that you can show him your love for him instead of participating in his wedding if you chose to go that route.

      Tough decisions but decisions made between you and our Lord. Just hope this has helped a little.

    3. Kerry, welcome to the fellowship of the believers! Your testimony is exciting. As parents of a lesbian daughter, if she ever takes the step of marriage to another woman, we’ll not be attending the wedding. To do so indicates acceptance. God’s view of marriage is one man and one woman. Those attending any wedding are among the cloud of witnesses gathered to offer their support and approval. I agree with Carlotta’s take on the matter. Yes, your family will be angry and you will suffer rejection. This is the cost we pay as we stand firm on Jesus’s commands. Jesus said that if we love Him we will follow His commands. The Lord will honor you for taking a stand, Kerry. This will also help you grow in your faith. You are in our prayers and may Jesus richly bless you.

      1. Craig: I did not attend my daughter’s ceremony with a woman, but every close family member
        did attend, even her paternal grandparents. I was the cheese that stood alone. We are not men/woman pleasers, but faithful to God’s laws and covenant with saved believers in Christ.

    4. Kerry,

      You are an amazing human being! I am so proud of you! I am so encouraged to hear that you have turned away from that lifestyle and have a relationship with our Lord. I would suggest you read the book of John first. Find a good bible based church and look for a mentor or someone to disciple you. You need other Christians to be around you and help you learn and keep you encouraged. I know Satan will be coming after you to try to get you to participate in any sin he can. He is relentless. About your brother, first and foremost pray for him! It is not up to you to convert him that is the job of the Holy Spirit. But you can plant seeds, you can be the example to him. Most people don’t like preaching in their face especially if they are in the midst of a sin, but you can always speak of what God is doing in your life. You can always state your beliefs. You most likely will be met with resistance but let the Holy Spirit lead you in how you speak to him or anyone else. Pray that the Lord will give you the words and the nudging as to when the time is right for you to say anything. My best advice is pray about this situation and find a group of strong Godly men to encourage you and take you under their wings. Of course you have this blog to run to and ask advice. Again, I am so proud of you for taking a stand for Jesus. Have a blessed day!

  5. Hi Trish
    I just wanted to say I did not cut my daughter out of my life and I talk to her about as much as you talk to your daughter the fact is because I wouldn’t shut up and pretend that my beliefs didn’t mean anything she’s all but cut. me off so I think that’s just as difficult and I feel for you and7 I feel for all of us going tbrough. the small talk that I do manage to have with my daughter is difficult in itself because it feels so faulse like we’re just beating around this big huge bush you know what I. mean? Lets continue to lift each other up in prayer, I love you Trish!!

    1. Thank you Tracy! I love you too! It is so challenging to even communicate with my daughter. Sometimes she responds to me and sometimes not. But that is okay I know I am doing my part. I will keep the prayers going for you and for all of us! Thank you Jesus!

  6. Okay I must be confused here. I need it given to me straight and direct! Are you saying not to associate with my daughter? I have put down boundaries when I do see her she lives out of state. I do not want to see any affection between her and her partner. Nor do I stay overnight with them because they sleep in the same bed. Please clarify for me. Thank you!

    1. Trish, your daughter if professing to be a Christian and is practicing any sin unrepentantly, then yes the cold shoulder would be quite appropriate. It’s very hard to do but the message would be loud and clear: practicing of habitual unrepentant sin is disdained by our heavenly Father.

      The following are the scriptures that Tracy referred to earlier about the division of putting Christ first will do to families:

      34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 10:34-39

      Your setting boundaries is honorable, but Christ wants us to take it a step further when confronting unrepentant fellow Christians, and even when those Christians are members of our immediate family. Hypocrisy is one of the worse stamps a Christian can be labeled and that is what your daughter is practicing. A double lifestyle by claiming to know Christ while living in what the scripture calls an abomination.

      She will find plenty of company if she continues in her present lifestyle because of the large numbers of Christians who accept homosexuality. There are even churches that would welcome her and her partner but for the family to send a message that churches and other Christians should be also sending, will also make the message clear and prayerfully, the Holy Spirit will convict your daughter of her sin.

      So that’s it in a nutshell but if you do follow through and do a complete cutoff, be prepared to be hated as Christ has already warned us would happen if we choose to obey Him rather than man.

      1. Politically correct or not, Jesus will expose to the light, evil; no matter what form it comes in or who It tries to use and no matter who’s face It tries to hide behind, God’s presence will expose it. We MUST have faith that His will be done and that we be given the strength to endure what lies ahead with grace and quiet lucidity. I pray this for myself in my weakest moments and wanted impart it to each of you. Love and grace to you all here and thank you for opening your hearts to me when I had no where to turn.

      2. Thank you for your concern for me. I wanted to be sure I understood your beliefs before I said something. I was where some of you were with my daughter. I did cut her out of my life for at least three years. I have prayed and prayed over this. I was overcome by the Holy Spirit to reach out to my daughter in love, mercy and grace. That was just about two years ago. I will ask you this question to think upon, how can you have a relationship with your child without contact? No contact equals no relationship in my book. You may be the only Christian in your child’s life. This maybe the chance to plant seeds in your child’s partner’s life, you have no idea how God can and will use you in these situations. Have you ever thought about God has us here to teach us something?

        I have had Pastors tell me whatever you do, do not cut your child out of your life. I personally have been on the receiving end of a parent cutting me out of their life. I can’t even begin to tell you how painful that is. I will never do that no matter what based on my personal experiences with this. I will love my child and she will always know it. She also knows I do not agree she is choosing God’s best for her life. I have set boundaries with her and her partner and I may see them once a year. I text her and tell her I love her, I am thinking of her, and I pray for her. I ask her about her partner and how she is doing. It is all superficial stuff, unfortunately. But she does not feel comfortable telling me more because she knows I do not agree. At least I know I am doing my part. All I know is this: no contact means no relationship. I am sure this will prompt some of you to disagree with me and I used to think exactly like some of you. But I have had a heart change and I believe it is from the Holy Spirit. This is a tough battle for all of us. Thank you.

        1. Trish, what happened to you is that you wore down from the no contact boundary. Three years is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen discouraged Christians give in just before the Lord may have acted on their behalf. Time is precious, yes. But we have to remember that time is in the Lord’s hands and He sees the big picture …… while we can only see the day to day struggle and cannot comprehend what is going on in the heavenlies. This struggle against the homosexual lifestyle choice didn’t just “start” one day out of the blue. It came about due to bad choices over long periods of time. The homosexual is not born. The homosexual is made. I very much understand the pressure of not seeing or even hearing from your daughter. I’m sure the Prodigal’s dad was grieved every day that he heard no news from his son. This is extreme spiritual warfare and it is never won in one day or even 3 years. You have to ask yourself this question, Trish. What difference am I seeing in my daughter by chasing after her? I have to believe the Prodigal’s father ask himself this same thing. My wife and I ponder the different ways of approaching our daughter. This is much harder for my wife because she is a “mercy” personality. So is most of our family. The rejection and silence from our daughter is excruciating to us all. She knows this and uses her silence as a means of manipulation. The habits of the homosexual are learned behaviors, Trish. Homosexuals are addicts in their own right. They share many kindred spirits. Homosexuality is known as a besetting sin. This means that it is a particular sin choice that is so consuming that it defines who they are as a person. You will see the Apostle Paul made it very clear in I Cor. 6:18-20 that sexual sins are atypical from other sins. Why? He goes on to say that sexual self-abuse involves a believer’s physical body that is being indwelt by the Holy Spirit. Homosexuality is at the forefront of these sexual sins because it involves a physical, emotional, and spiritual coupling of two or more people of the same sex that is abomination. Romans 1 shows us the progression of bad behaviors that lead to this abomination. Trish, are you willing to accept a relationship with your daughter that involves compromise? Because you are the one compromising while your daughter sacrifices …… nothing. There is no commitment on her part. None. She and her peers wear you down along with some well meaning but unwise counsel you have received. There are lessons we can learn from the Prodigal. One of the main ones is the fact that the father adopted a “hands off” attitude toward his son. He didn’t chase after him. He didn’t send him provisions. He went about his life normally. He stayed the course. I’m sure the dad watched, waited, and prayed. He allowed God to be God. This was a greater showing of mercy than it would have been had he wasted his time chasing after a wayward son who didn’t want to be caught.

        2. I am in total agreement with you stance on continuing your relationship with your daughter with love, mercy and grace. My daughter has taken the hard line approach of cutting her daughter out of her life and anyone else she can convince because her daughter has decided to divorce her husband and may possibly be lesbian. This approach has come about with the church they connected to a couple of years ago. It is sickening and in my opinion so opposite of what I believe my God would expect of me. The pain this has inflicted upon my granddaughter is difficult to watch.

          1. Sounds like your granddaughter was being disciplined by her church which is completely biblical.

            “15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15-20

            No discipline is ever fun to go through Dee. A parent who disciplines their child is hated by the child for that moment but it usually passes. The same with church discipline. It’s all for the purpose of correction of the believer which is one of the purposes of our bible:

            16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Tim 3:16-17

            So if your granddaughter is divorcing her husband to get with someone else, lesbian or not, she is committing adultery and the church is right in disciplining her. Her mother is also doing the right thing and I can assure you it is just as painful for her as it is for her daughter! We don’t have to guess whether God approves of this or not because the bible is quite clear on church discipline. But if she ends up surrendering herself to Christ, your granddaughter will be welcomed with open arms by both her mother, church and most of all our Lord Himself Jesus Christ! Our Lord loves her even while she’s going through this trial rest assured!

          2. Thank you Dee. I am now of the opinion that what my daughter does is her responsibility and not mine. I pray for her daily. I pray for her non believing partner and her non believing parents. I am of the belief system that I am to love God and love others period. I have talked to my daughter about this most recently she said she has a wall up against me because I do not agree with her lifestyle. That is her deal not mine. I will continue to reach out to her in love. I have set boundaries with her and her partner, no sharing a room in my house, I stay in a hotel when I go to see them. No open physical affection between them. She is honoring that for me and for that I am appreciative. I know other folks may not agree with me on this but it is my relationship and I am the one that has to answer to our Lord one day. I have been on the receiving end of being cold shouldered by a parent and it is brutal. I will never do that to my child no matter what she does. I don’t approve but she is a grown woman and does not need my approval. Again, I am commanded to love God and others and that is what I choose to do. Have a blessed day. And know that I am praying for you. Remember you may be the only Jesus a person see’s is through you and your actions.

        3. You are the only sane sounding one here. I don’t think you were “worn” down but are experiencing the love Jesus has asked us to live. Loving someone and have a relationship with them doesn’t mean we like everything they do but it does give us an entry into their lives when Christ is ready for us to speak to them. I have recently seen this happen to my granddaughter by her mother and father. Not only that,but anyone in the family that dares to be with or help my granddaughter as she struggles through a divorce and financial hardship have been estranged. It makes us sick to our stomach. From my standpoint, they have taken the easy way out in a world it is either black or white, right or wrong. I am so glad my God knows our hearts and every thing about us and isnot limited by human perception and thinking..Pershaps he has a greater understanding of why a person is with someone of the same gender since the ones here seem to only see it in the sexual context. Could not these relationships be more than that like many male female relationships. I as a Christian know this, I am not God, I am not to Judge, I am to help when help is needed, I am to say a kind word when needed and provide love to those in need of it. The arrogance of someone that would completely shut out a child because of who they choose to be knowing one day they will realize their sinful ways and come running back to those that have turned their back on them is ridiculous. As my daughter has said, when she reaches her end…..her end. What if you reach your end first and realized you’ve missed years with your daughter and missed what others of those that have continued to love and be in a relationship with her. The beautiful young lady blossoming and maturing with a loving heart after living in a horrible, loveless, sexless marriage for 4 years that my daughter believes is a “covenant”. One in which her college graduate husband was too good to work a regular job and they lived in poverty. Is she a lesbian, I don’t know and honestly don’t know if she does or this is just a confusing time. Either way I will always love and be there for her and I believe God loves us more than we love our own child will also. Honestly, for those of you that think the hardline approach is the Godly one – I do not agree. But I do believe it is an easier one.

          1. Dee, it is ok to disagree but for somebody who doesn’t like to judge, you passed a few judgements yourself. You referred to members in this discussion as mostly “not sane” and arrogant. And your comment to Heartbroken Sister can be viewed as a personal attack. Sorry I didn’t carefully review your message before posting it (in hospital recovering from gall bladder surgery). Those kind of comments violate my comment policy. (See about Christocentric Press and number 7 under comment policy.) Just a warning but feel free to continue posting if you adhere to the policy otherwise you will be banned from this blog.

        4. Thank you Trish for your reply of April 13. I pray for you to have strength and know you are receiving the Holy Spirit on your journey. When our children become adults they are responsible for their choices but we can still put God first AND love them and have them in our lives.
          My daughter has chosen to cut off me and my husband, as well as, anyone offering help my granddaughter desperately needed to the point of telling us what to do and not to do as it might be interfering with God’s will. Not only us, but she has told her husband and son to choose sides either with her and God or with her daughter and anyone that continues a relationship with her in the family. My daughter aligned herself with my granddaughter’s husband and became involved in their marriage and pushing my granddaughter out of her son’s life = all based on the hard edged religious doctrine. So the story is very complicated.
          She is my only daughter and my only granddaughter. So I do know what it is like to be pushed aside and out of one’s life. It is painful. I do not and have never believed in a God that would support this. Do I love him above all else yes. Does that mean I have to cut them out of my life no. There are many people in my life and family that don’t believe in God and are pushed further away because of this hard attitude but I don’t cut them out or follow them but I do take the opportunity to live and talk to lead them to Christ.

          I have survived cancer and abuse and I know the hope and strength that one word, hug and person led by the Holy Spirit can propel you through many of life’s challenges.

          My interpretation of the widely quoted passage in Matthew means simply to put God above all others and there will be times we will go up against them in support of our love for our heavenly father be it son, daughter, father etc. not banish them.

          I don’t know why I stumbled upon this blog and felt compelled to write that is for God to know..

          1. Dee, as a pastor, I have been involved in a number of family interventions. Some of those was over a child choosing the homosexual lifestyle. My wife and I performed an intervention with our daughter when she chose to abandon the home and move in with her lesbian partner. We brought in another trusted pastor and his wife. This female our daughter left us for was twice her age and old enough to be her mother. The whole scenario was disgusting. It was satanic. Dee, this is spiritual warfare. Those that don’t grasp that fact are left alone with their emotions and worldly knowledge. This is a spiritual matter and should be handled in a spiritual way. In an intervention, it is imperative that co-dependents/enablers be removed from the process. Many times this is a grandparent and more often than not a grandmother. In your case, you haven’t shared enough information for a more complete reply. It does sound like your granddaughter is being disciplined by the church and her parents in a way designed through the Word. That’s the way I see it according to what you have shared. I would urge you to first of all search your own spirit (not your heart) and ask Jesus if there is anything in there not pleasing to him. You do come across as an enabler. Your heart means well but the heart is an aspect of the soulish realm …… mind, will, and emotions. We cannot trust what is in our heart, Dee. The “heart” will lead us stray more often than not. What we CAN do is trust Jesus to abide by His Word. Yes, this takes time and very often not within our time frame. We have to have faith that Jesus will honor His Word as we do the right thing. I know how painful this thing is …… and it is especially hard for a mother or grandmother to set aside their motherly instincts and trust the Lord in such a matter. You CAN do this according to Phil. 4:13. But you must be willing to set aside your methods and be obedient to Scripture. Some families refuse to let the Word overrule their emotions. I get it. This is an emotional time. But I also know that Jesus has an uncanny way of honoring His Word as we trust Him. Dee, the Word will never return void.

    2. Trish, we also have a daughter who chose the lesbian lifestyle. She is in her mid 20’s now and started this slippery slope into darkness in her late teens. Her choosing to attend a secular college while being very spiritually immature was the second worst decision she made. The humanistic teachings in this college promoted the homosexual agenda and she fell for it totally. Her first partner was with a female nearly 40 (our daughter was 19) and, to no surprise, that godless relationship turned abusive. She finally left (we prayed them apart, actually) and is now shacking up with a female her own age.

      I know Carlotta’s approach is seen as mean spirited and harsh by many. It is the same approach we have taken, because we choose to not compromise the Word just to make our loved one “feel better”. We use the tough love approach, too. Yes, some in our family aren’t on the same page with it. Our daughter has an uncanny ability to paint herself as a victim. Those who don’t know her tactics and character like her mom and I are easily taken in by her so-called “victimization”. I have ministered to homosexuals in different ministries for many years, so I wasn’t blindsided by her tactics. Homosexuals are very similar to addicts and there are kindred spirits there.

      Anyway, we are holding the fort and holding her to healthy boundaries. One of those is that she is not permitted to bring her current partner into our home. This is especially important when we have other family and grandkids here. It’s just not gonna happen! This led her to stay away from our family Christmas this past year and we haven’t seen her since July 2013. She invited only her mom to her graduation last Fall but made it clear I wasn’t welcome. My wife trusted Jesus and values our marriage above co-dependency toward her daughter. Mom refused to go unless I was invited. We missed her graduation. Trust me, these boundaries don’t sit well with some of our family. The only exception we would have to this boundary is IF the occasion rises where she and her partner are repentant and request help. Then and only then will she and her partner both be allowed to come into our home.

      Another boundary we have is that we will mail our daughter NO items she could possibly share with her partner. Absolutely no money, gift cards, or anything else she might share. We send her a Christmas package with personal items that only she can reasonably use for herself. We assure her of our love continuously.

      I would suggest you read I Cor. 5-6 thoroughly and then simply commit the issue to Jesus. Trust Him to fulfill the Word, Trish. We know how painful this is ….. but your daughter is holding your family hostage through emotional manipulation and control. You have to break that cycle. You have to be willing to let go of the apron strings and trust Jesus with her. Jesus has an uncanny ability to honor His word when we humble ourselves and submit to it. If our daughter comes to Jesus on HIS terms, she will be delivered and set free. We hinder the repentance process when we trust in our emotions and refuse to exercise faith in the Word. You are doing your daughter no favors by enabling her bad behaviors. I’m sharing this with you out of a grieving heart. I know this has been a long post. Please prayerfully consider what I have shared, Trish. Your approach simply isn’t working nor can it. It runs counter to what the Bible teaches. May the Lord guide you!

    3. Trish, I might also add that it would be helpful to study closely the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15. This really helped us find comfort at the beginning of this nightmare over 5 years ago. What did the father do vs. what he did not do in letting his son go? You will find it very telling that what daddy did NOT do was every bit as important as what he DID do. I’m also a pastor and I have shared this important message with the church. Most families have prodigals. I was once a prodigal. Homosexuals claiming to be believers have the prodigal spirit. They are running from Jesus. They will eventually come to face the reality that they can run from the Holy Spirit but they can never hide from Him. I wish to God I could offer you a 100% guarantee that your daughter will come back to her senses and seek to remove herself from the spiritual pigpen. I cannot guarantee that. Mom and I realize that we may never live to see our daughter come out of bondage. It may happen after we are gone or it may never happen. But we are determined to hold fast to Scripture. We aren’t the Holy Spirit. We are simply messenger boys. She is Jesus’s creation and she was her little girl before she became our little girl. Before she was formed in the womb He knew her. Take comfort that Jesus cares and He is on the job. Be blessed!

  7. Thank you Trish for the affirmations. I have been meditating on whether this is a strengthening test for what’s ahead and if that is the case, it is the hardest one I have ever had to face and I lived anything but a sheltered life so for me to say this is tough, well you know what I mean = D

    1. You are most welcome, this is the struggle of my life so I know EXACTLY what you mean! Stay in the word, pray and surround yourself with Christians that can encourage you! I am here right there with you!

  8. Thank you Trish for sharing your situation, the advice and most of all, your prayers! I don’t see my daughter very much either as she is out your way and I am in Oregon. I wish my daughter respected where I am (and her at one time) coming from but at this point she refuses to. She came here alone recently to attend a festival and not only refused to see my point when she asked about coming for Thanksgiving she totally disrespected us in general like cussing profusely in the house and when I demanded she stop doing that she went outside and threw a profanity laden tantrum in my backyard like she was a filthy mouthed two year old! I do really believe she carries some spirits that I am having a hard time getting through because of the fact she is my daughter and I am vulnerable. I do as you said, just try to see past her sexual relationship but it’s all she wants to talk about so needless to say, we have not been talking much but I’ve been praying a lot = D Thank you again for sharing as it really helped. My prayers are with you and your daughter as well. = )

    1. Wow Tracy, what a tough situation to be in. If my daughter was disrespectful to me it would be very tough to be around her! I would just point you towards the bible. If it were me, I would set boundaries and if she can’t abide by them then as harsh as it sounds I would not see her. I know about vulnerability and oceans of tears. Trust in the Lord he will guide you and lead you. Have faith in him he is allowing this to pass through him for some purpose. I would have to ask myself what is he trying to teach you? You can’t change your daughter but he can and he will all in his timing. He may be testing your faith remember God loves your daughter more than you. God Bless you.

  9. You are most welcome! I am here if you need more encouragement and support! With God all things are possible! I look at this situation with my daughter and think okay Lord what is in this that you have for me to learn?????????

  10. Hi, I’m new to this and I have to admit I’m not feeling comfortable with doing this. Me and my husbands are christians and are struggleing with our daughter’s decision. I know it is a chioce and she was not born his way but how do I love her effectivly so I can continue to have a relationship with her and be able to minister to her. She knows truth, she grew up in a christian home. If I start to say verses she can finish them. Is there any books,lititure suppot groups available to parent like myself? I need suppot with skin right now!!

    1. Hi and I can appreciate your situation! I don’t know where you are located in the country but there is a Christian support group in the Dallas Texas area called Living Hope. I understand exactly how you feel believe me, I have been dealing with this for 5 years now with my daughter. I can recommend a few books first off anything written by Joe Dallas is helpful. When homosexuality hits home, a strong delusion are both good books written by Joe. Another one is Someone I love is Gay written by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies. I would read this one first. Just stay in contact with your daughter and love her. Keep the lines of communications open with your daughter and let her know she can always come to you. Look for Christian support groups in your community. I can tell you from my own experience with my adult daughter that telling her lifestyle is not God’s best for her, made no impact upon her she has justified this choice of hers. Pray daily for your daughter and her partner. Pray that the holy spirit will convict her and change her heart because he can and he is the only one that can! I am here if you need to communicate more. I know how tough this is. I raised my daughter alone and she is my only child.

      Trish

      1. Thank You Trush, I ahve been trying to keep the communication open and as you know this has been very difficult. Thank you for your recommendation of books. It will be helpful to start some where.

  11. That last comment helped me so much, my daughter married her partner after less than a month, I am sorrowful about it but they assume because they are legally married I have to allow them to sleep together. I don’t care about the law of man, its God’s law I want to obey

    1. Amen Grace! Just because the laws say they can legally marry doesn’t mean you have to recognize their marriage as such. God’s laws trump man’s laws any day and I just pray that more Christians have the boldness to take the stand that you and many others have already decided to take.

      Stay strong and prayerful and always with the love of Christ!

  12. Oh K do I know EXACTLY how you are feeling! I have been dealing with my emotions about my only child a daughter for 5 years now. I at first would not allow the partner to come to my house. Then the holy spirit convicted me and showed me that is not loving like Christ loves. I also realized that I can not be of any influence to her if I am not in a relationship with her. I have made it very clear to my daughter that I do not believe it is God’s best for her to be in a lesbian relationship. My daughter says she is a Christian? That is between her and God. I do know this, it is not for me to judge. If you have shared with your daughter your convictions about her relationship than I am sure she knows where you stand. I personally would invite your daughter and her friend. You may be the only Christian that has any influence upon them? . I do think you are smart to set up boundaries for them like no PDA. I have shared that with my daughter and she did agree. By spending time with your daughter and the partner you can be a Godly influence in their lives and God may very well be using you for this! Pray continuously for both of them. You are much farther along than I was when I first found out about my daughter. Blessings to you and many hugs! Trish

    1. In a similar situation with a daughter in her early twenties. Struggling with this comment contradicting point #7 in the above article.

      1. David, what about the comment in number 7 that you are struggling with? Or did I misunderstand you here?

        1. Carlotta, Thank you for your reply. I am not trying to be legalistic or a nitpicker. This concept of how to cope with a gay child that professes to be a Christian is where I am struggling. My daughter is in her early twenties, living on her own but we are helping her with medical and car insurance. She has battled with substance abuse for the last few years and is currently clean.
          I have younger teen children in my home and am concerned the message of accepting her partner into our family relays an unspoken message that its “ok” with us. I know the “books” say accepting someone into your home does not mean you condone the lifestyle but in my heart I don’t agree with that. If my daughter brought a drug dealer, homosexual or a religious hypocrite into our home (which all three has happened) they would be and have been accepted and loved and invited at our table in hope their hearts would be turned to Christ. My daughter bringing her girlfriend over for holidays, exchanging presents playing family games at picnics, I believe is relaying a message that my daughters lifestyle is on equal ground with the other siblings bringing their boyfriends or girlfriends over. In point 7 above 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 would indicate that I
          should cut off ties from both my daughter and partner. In Trish’s comment above she states: “My daughter says she is a Christian? That is between her and God. I do know this, it is not for me to judge. If you have shared with your daughter your convictions about her relationship than I am sure she knows where you stand. I personally would invite your daughter and her friend. ” Is this a contradiction? I have read the books above, I have sought counsel but I still wrestle. We have spoken to my daughter and her partner and tried to explain where we stand and why. My daughter got it, her partner did not. It is so very sad, My heart breaks for her. My heart fears the future for my family as possible differences of opinion on this subject among siblings may continue to fracture the family. But I fear God more than fearing the loss of my daughter. Only a parent in this situation can understand the depths of pain that statement represents. Thank you for your time.

          1. David, I know exactly how you feel. Believe me, I have struggled over this for five years now going on six years with my only daughter. Here is how I personally see it, God tells us to love God and to love others. Without associating with our children and their partners, how are we going to love them and be of a Godly influence upon them? I have been around folks that say no you should have nothing to do with them because they are sinning. I don’t think breaking a relationship off with our children is a good thing no matter what. How is that helpful and honoring Jesus? . My daughter knows how much I do not approve of her lifestyle choice. Well, tell me, who doesn’t sin besides Jesus? I see where this is an issue with other children. I only have one child. But, as long as your other children know how you believe and feel about this issue I personally think the act of being loving towards your adult child and her partner will speak volumes to the others. My two cents worth only.

          2. David and Trish, I’ll use one of my adult sons as an example of the message that God is trying to get across to us through the scriptures. One of my sons who was professing Christ as his savior, took a turn to the darkside and got involved with gangs, illegal marijuana, women and etc. I disassociated myself from him, not allowing him to come to my house with his gang colors or smelling marijuana on him. He wasn’t allowed on my property at all. This son even became abusive and I to make a long story short, I called the cops on him in which he spent a couple of days in jail.

            Days out of jail, he now comes over to my house without gang colors, without marijuana and is very respectful of me. What he does on his own time not around me is his business because I really don’t know. As long as he appears to be doing what’s right, he has my blessings. He’s the youngest of my five kids and the rest are no where like their rebel little brother.

            God wants us to use tough love to get the message across that if you are a child of God, you must act like one or be disassociated. It’s the unbelievers that we give a little more leeway, (depending upon the situation). Tough love doesn’t mean we don’t love them, but sends the message that we do.

            Now this son and I have a pretty decent relationship. He even gets mad now if he thinks I’m letting one of his siblings get away with things and reminds me that “they need to suffer the consequences mom!”

            So as harsh as the scriptures appear to be, we must trust God and exercise His word. The person you are exercising the godly discipline towards may react well or may very well react worse. We aren’t responsible for their actions but pray that they will take the discipline as a means of love and correct their wayward actions.

          3. Hi David, I totally understand your points. I like my daughter’s friend as an individual from talking to her on the phone and text etc., she’s really nice and if I were to sit them down together to share my convictions on the subject, the friend would get it but my daughter would probably never speak to me again. I have not met her friend in person as they live in a different state so I don’t know what it’s like (as you do) to see it in your home. Honestly, I don’t know what would come out of my mouth and so I have avoided such a meeting so far. On the surface, the easiest thing would be to just go with the flow in an effort to keep that bond with our daughters but the spirit within us as God’s children, sanctified and separated as His own begs to differ and this is a struggle we cannot explain to a generation that has been taken over by their imaginations. I keep recalling somewhere in my memory, a verse in the Bible that said (I think it was Jesus) something like father and son will be divided and mother against daughter etc. That passage pierced me years ago in a way I cannot describe and I remember thinking, “what would I do if that happened to me?” At the time, I couldn’t think of anything that would divide me from any of my daughters. At the time, this particular subject that has brought us here had never entered my mind. This world we live in now thinks that if the majority goes along with an idea then it must be right and if you don’t go along with it you are a plague on society. Let’s go back several years when half our country believed there was nothing wrong with slavery even though the Bible says we shall not take another as property. As long as everyone goes along with it, it’s o.k. But we all know slavery was wrong whether you are a Christian or not. To me this explosion of homosexual behavior in the last decade or so has similarities. Our spirits know this is wrong no matter who is choosing to participate (even our children). I pray for all the parents in this boat that it doesn’t have to come to a permanent division, In Jesus’ Name- Amen

  13. Hi, my daughter just told me she was confused and now in relationship with a woman. At one time my daughter knew The Lord and her partner as well. They do not call themselves Christians. My biggest concern is do I invite them to my house for family functions? I know I have my rules at my house. No signs of affections and sleeping in the same room. Do I hang out with them and do fun things and do I invite the partner to my house? This is my biggest struggle because if I do I feel as if I am saying the relationship is ok. I have no problem being with my daughter alone. I liked her partner as a person and feel bad now that I can’t invite to my house because I feel as if I will be saying its ok. I am a Christian, I believe it is a sin. So by my hanging out with both at my house, or at their place , am I sinning and saying their relationship is ok?

    1. K, the important fact is that your daughter and her partner are not claiming to be Christians. So I would treat them as any other unsaved person, knowing that what they need more than anything is the gospel. Since they both have heard the gospel and are rejecting Christ, all you can do is pray that they one day will submit to our Lord.

      You are right to set rules for your home and they should be aware of your boundaries that you have. Other than that, I see no problem with you inviting them to family functions or hanging out with them. Just make sure they know where you stand regarding homosexuality and that you will never accept it but will accept them. It will be up to them if they want to hang out with a person such as yourself who believes homosexuality is a sin. Just be sure though that your hanging out doesn’t get to the point where people are associating you with her lifestyle – because as Christians we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

      I just recently had a great mother’s day weekend when I traveled to Georgia and spent mother’s day with my mom and about 18 other relatives which included my lesbian cousin and her partner. She knows my position on homosexuality as my mother’s but we all had a great time dining at a restaurant with the rest of the family members. She knows I love her as my dear cousin and that’s what is important for me to show her.

      So don’t feel guilty spending time with someone who is obviously in rebellion toward our Lord. Showing them love and not condemnation is Christ’s way all the way!

      “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17

      1. Hi there! The above situation is very similar to mine except I have not met the other person face to face yet, only on the phone. My daughter is 28 now but the situation has been building for some time. I admit early on I just tried to avoid the subject when she was in a relationship with a girl because it wouldn’t last long and she would be mad in love with a boy the next time. I never had a problem voicing my opinion over her promiscuity but the communication gap grew quite huge when she started professing she was an atheist and polyamorous (I know, are you kidding me!?!). Now she is in what she calls a committed relationship with a girl that looks like she could be her sister. They live in another state which alleviates the uncomfortable but it is coming to a head soon because being the all or nothing kind of girl my daughter is, she is refusing to accept my stance that I love her and am happy that she is happy but cannot be happy with the reason she is happy, She has mentioned she wants to bring her home for Thanksgiving this Fall but I have not responded either way. I’m in utter anguish inside because I always want to be behind everything my kids do but I just can’t in this case. I swear it sometimes seems like it would be so much easier to give into the pressure of things and forget the truth but you just can’t and even though we have read about and have been warned all these things would happen and we prayed like crazy for all it was happening to, you never fully realize what a powerful blow it is until it hits home. If you could offer any suggestions on how to answer her about the holidays that would be so appreciated and prayer is ALWAYS welcome. Thank you Everyone..

        1. Hi Tracy, Trish here. I understand your feelings and thought processes on your gay daughter. I totally agree with your statement on how powerful a blow it is WHEN it hits home. I totally get it. I worked in Real Estate offices with lots of gay folks but when MY daughter came out I thought I was going to die……. I cried for two years! My suggestions on how to answer your daughter is to think and pray on it until you come to a solid answer. Here is what I have learned from my 5 years of experiencing my daughters gayness. It has put a huge block in our relationship. But partly because I have only focused on that! So I am to blame for some of this! My daughter is more than her sexuality! I have told her that and yet I focus on it? What is wrong with this picture? I have put some boundaries in place for my benefit and she is willing to comply. First off is no physical affection between her and her partner in front of me or my husband. Second is they can stay at our home if need be but in separate bedrooms. Keep in mind my daughter does not live in Texas anymore so I don’t see her near enough. I haven’t seen her in two years to be exact. I am going to Missouri to go visit her for three days in October. I will be staying in a hotel for my comfort level. It is her partner that she is living with and I have no real idea what she is like. Here is another thing I have come to realize biblically, we are called to love others. So to me that means I am to be kind and considerate to all I am around. Including my daughters partner! I don’t believe this lady is a Christian so I need to model that for her is my thoughts. I can tell you this much. I have met a few of my daughters previous partners. The one that moved her from Texas to Missouri I actually like and have communicated with since my daughter and her have split up. She mentioned to me that if I have time on my visit to see my daughter in Oct. to see her. I mentioned this to my daughter and she about came unglued. I found that totally ironic since it was through my daughter I met her! LOL! Gotta have some humor in this too! I have compassion for this lady her parents want nothing to do with her since they were faced with her gayness. I have told my daughter that I love her and always will, but do not support her choice of acting upon her gayness. It has made our relationship strained for sure. But I believe the bible is truth and does not support gay lifestyles or sexual immorality of any type. I stand on that and my daughter knows that. I am fortunate enough to have a daughter that respects my choices. But it does not make this easy by any means. My only suggestion is to always keep communications open with your daughter. I completely understand where you are in all of this. Prayers for you are going up!

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