For the Christian, there has to be nothing more painful than knowing that a family member is struggling with or living defiantly in a lifestyle contrary to God’s moral laws. Whether it be drugs, addictions, sexual immorality of all kinds and various other offenses against God. It’s extremely painful for all involved.
I recently received an email from a reader of my blog desperate for answers in how to cope with her daughter who is a lesbian. This reader has done the best she could in raising a child up in a godly home. But circumstances beyond her control have led her daughter to choose the lesbian lifestyle. What shall she do?
After watching my aunt deal with my lesbian cousin, I’ve learned a lot how one can successfully cope with an LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgendered) family member while not losing one’s heart, hope and mind in the process.
Here’s a list of a few things that I’ve witnessed from my aunt and others who are coping well:
- Pray! Immediately put that family in your prayers and ask God for their deliverance. Deliverance either through salvation or if they are a struggling Christian, pray for their strength to leave the gay lifestyle once and for all. (See post on Can you be a Christian and a homosexual). Ask God also for the strength and wisdom to deal with the situation as God will turn your trial into triumph! (Hebrews 11 entire chapter)
Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice. – Psalm 55:17 – NKJV
- Don’t tackle this alone! Seek godly counsel and I mean GOD-ly counsel, counsel from Christians that you know do who do not water down God’s word and are wise as well as loving people. Find Christian friends who will stand with you in prayer and support!
BLESSED is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. - Psalm 1:1-2 NKJV
- Let that family member know that you love them, but you stand with God’s word that says that homosexuality is a sin. Give the scriptures so that they know it’s not of your personal opinion but as God says it is in both the Old and New Testaments. (Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; 1 Corinthians 6:9; Romans 1:26-27)
For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. – Rom 1:26-27
- And always have hope that your family member will change. While hoping for the best, accept them where they are in their lives. That old saying to hate the sin and love the sinner still holds very true!
(Love) . . . bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1Corinthians 13:7 NKJV
- Don’t take it personally and carry guilt for something you believe you didn’t do right. There is no such thing as a perfect parent so even if you did feel you made a few mistakes along the way – ask God to forgive you and forgive yourself then let it go! Guilt will do nothing more than eat at your very soul if you allow it.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1John 1:9 NKJV
- If that person professes to be gay but doesn’t profess to be a Christian, then associate with them as you normally would. If it’s a child, don’t throw them out in the streets but love them and let them know that no homosexual activity will be allowed in your home and they won’t be allowed to be associated with gay friends outside of school activities (if this can be helped).
- Professing Christians have to be handled differently. As with any sin, a person who professes to know Christ but persists in sin has to be handled with very tough love. “
“I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked man from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:9-13
Persistent sin is serious among believers and if you know anyone who calls himself belonging to Christ and practices sin, then they must be disassociated (except for your dependent children). I would think twice about what I’m doing if family and friends chose not to have anything to do with me because of my practice of a particular sin. This is different than a person knowingly struggling and is repentful and trying to change.
These are just a few suggestions and I know there are plenty others that many can share. I know many non-believers and some professing Christians would criticize this article as ridiculous, believing that there shouldn’t be any issue in coping with a homosexual family member. But if you truly love God’s word and hate sin as He does, then yes, coping with sinful lifestyles becomes something major in life to tackle!
Don’t lose hope people and all one has to do is to look at the many ex-homosexuals whose testimonies I have plastered all over my blog. Some of you have been a little confused thinking that I am also an ex-gay. I’m not, but when many members of the LGBT community visited my blog during my activism for Prop 8 to ban gay marriages, I decided then to present information that it IS possible to change from being gay and that there is hope for friends and family members who want change for their loved ones.
Just remember, with Christ, ALL things are possible!
Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” – Mark 9:23 NKJV
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